one month old!Can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve written. The days are slipping away from me… just a blur of bottles & naps & diapers & the occasional little baby screaming fits. It’s completely surreal that I’ve been a mother for 5 weeks as of today. I’m annoyed with myself that I’m not doing a better job of recording it. You know those baby books that don’t have even one word written in them? Yeah, I have one of those sitting right there on the coffee table. Never even opened the sucker.

Some things I’m getting better at now that I have 5 weeks under my belt. I’ve been told that I don’t look like I’m on the verge of tears anymore & that my hair looks cleaner. I’m thinking that’s a good thing. I’ve put myself on a regular pumping schedule, which is a fairly huge accomplishment. It’s freakin’ hard to get a 20-min pumping session with a 7-lb squirt yelling her lungs out. I’ve discovered that if I put her in the little vibrating bouncy chair next to me, I can usually get in at least 15 mins.

Speaking of yelling her lungs out, she’s cranking up a good one right now. Gotta take a break.

Um, yeah. Four hours later. Now, as I was saying…

What was I saying?

I confess, I hold Rose. A lot. As in hours & hours a day. I’m aware that I may be spoiling her & making it harder for myself at some point in the future. But honestly, I don’t care. Holding her, my baby, is one of my all-time favorite activities. And a few days ago — last Thursday, to be exact — she smiled at me. It was a smile that I’m almost certain was intentional & meant for me. I cried a little.

I still haven’t ventured out by myself. Bobby & I did our first outing this past Friday night — headed over to Clemson’s homecoming to check out the floats. And the Virginia trip was successful… by “successful,” I mean that we eventually arrived & had a lovely time. What is a 5-hr trip took us 9 hours. I had my first “screaming baby in a restaurant” experience. Rose was shrieking — like head turning purple, choking herself kinda shrieking — & Maggie & Sadie were running amuck, & Jennifer had been befriended by a nice restaurant employee who was trying to help but only making it worse, & I felt the urge to apologize to every restaurant patron as I hurried past them, juggling a diaper bag, car seat, purse, Sadie’s Curious George, & Rose the Stage 5 Screamer. Jennifer explained to me that I have to stop caring what other people think… as of now, though, I’m still avoiding restaurants until further notice.

My grandparents loved her. My grandma says she has my ears, which made me laugh. Grandma, who we’ve often called “the Little Red Hen” because she’s so constantly busy, actually sat & held Rose for hours while Jennifer & I washed dishes & straightened the house. I was worried that Mag & Sadie would be jealous of the attention that Rose received but they didn’t seem bothered at all. The picture below is my favorite from the trip… it’s so similar to pictures taken when I was a little girl. Same room, same furniture, same expressions & smiles. Love it.