I am tired. Like can-hardly-hold-my-eyes-open-want-to-put-my-head-down-on-the-nearest-surface-completely-freakin’-exhausted tired. I still have a to-do list, & is it getting done? That would be a big fat NOPE. The only thing I feel inclined to do is read… “The Happiest Baby on the Block” was up first. Now I’m working through “BabyWise.” Next up, “Heading Home with your Newborn” and “The Nursing Mother’s Companion.” So many opinions & “right” ways to do things. Overwhelming, I tell you.

Oh, & let’s not forget Project Breast Pump. Turns out breast pumps are single-user items, & the FDA is not in favor of me using Jennifer’s breast pump. So once I decided to ignore the FDA, I realized the pump no longer had it’s instruction manual. So once I downloaded a manual online, I’m faced with an INSANE number of pieces & I have absolutely not even the smallest idea what they are or how they work together or what to do with them. Or where to store them. I want some neat, efficient little storage system, & so far, that has pretty much not happened. And I’m pretty sure I need to replace a couple of parts to make it more sanitary, but I don’t know which ones.

I know it’ll work out. I know I’ll figure it out eventually. But as a planner, the unknown is making me a little bit crazy. I’m still in some level of shock that this is really even happening — that there’s a nearly cooked baby on her way, & I’m her mother. And now the reality is starting to set in… that I’m going to be responsible for a tiny, vulnerable, helpless little life, a little HUMAN, & I don’t know what I’m doing. Bobby keeps telling me that stupider people than us reproduce every day & if they can figure it out, surely he & I will be ok. So far, that theory hasn’t been overly comforting. I just feel like there’s an elusive “right” way to do it, & unfortunately, I don’t know what that “right” way is. It’ll be so flippin’ easy for me to screw this up.

Whew. Deep breath.