I’ve mentioned a couple of times that I’ve begun lurking on the Bump message boards. There’s a board for “pregnant after a loss” (PGaL), but I’ve actually found myself spending more time on my month board, which is all ladies who are due in Sept. This has been a whole new world for me & quite honestly, I’ve been fascinated. First & foremost, it’s the internet so filters are down. And there’s quite an eclectic mix — ages ranging from 18 to 42, various socioeconomic backgrounds, first-timers & fifth-timers, women who have had infertility & women who have gotten knocked up on their 1st cycle or accidentally. There are message boards for TTC & infertility & miscarriers & baby showers & things I don’t know much about like attachment parenting. It’s good for hours upon hours of free entertainment.
When I first started lurking, I found myself becoming highly annoyed with the “FH’s,” or “fertile ho’s” as the PGaLers call them… the ones who had no problems getting pregnant, staying pregnant, & who are 100% oblivious to how their words may affect those less fortunate. Our board’s first “fight” was during the first few weeks, when girls were dropping like flies… Literally, every day there would be at least 5 “goodbye” miscarriage posts. Somebody posted that they wish that the “goodbye” posts would stop because it made her uncomfortable & worried about herself & she had decided to not even open “those posts” anymore. She got pounced upon & eaten for breakfast… she hasn’t been seen or heard from since.
For the most part though, I’ve come to terms with the those who skipped the fun of infertility. I envy them, actually… they’ve never experienced the heartbreak of feeling broken &/or pregnancy loss, & I wish I could say that same for myself & countless others.
That being said, we’ve now hit a point in our collective pregnancies that my annoyance is back full-force. You see, there’s this phenomenon known as “gender disappointment” that’s running rampant through the Sept board. I don’t get it. I honestly, really, truly don’t. When there’s a new “I’m so disappointed” post, I want to reach through my laptop screen & bitchslap somebody. There’s been much discussion, & I understand where some of them are coming from… as little girls, some of us picture our lives as “grown-ups.” We see a beautiful wedding dress, a husband, & a baby. And sometimes, that baby is wearing pink or blue. Mine was always wearing white, but whatever. So when you have this preconceived vision of what your life looks like, & then your husband has the nerve to inseminate you with the wrong thing, it might take a minute to adjust. But in my opinion, it shouldn’t be more than a minute. If it’s more than a minute, you’re being a spoiled brat who needs, as they say down here in the South, a butt-whipping.
We have some girls who are seriously depressed because their baby has a penis or vagina. Like crying for days, not wanting to get out of bed, feeling like their whole world has been rocked off its axis, using words like “devastated.” Seriously? If your baby dies, you’re allowed to go to bed & hide under the covers. Or if your baby has a serious birth defect. Or if your cervix decides to crap out on you. Or if there’s some other life-altering catastrophe. Or if, despite your greatest efforts, there IS NO BABY. But whining & crying because you wanted to buy pretty little girl clothes? Get the eff over it. It’s like a spoiled little kid that didn’t get the Barbie she wanted for Christmas. I have zero tolerance. Really. Don’t know if you’ve picked up on that.