I am officially 16 weeks pregnant today. Really, I am. I don’t even have the words to describe how surreal this is. I honestly, really, truly, for real never thought this would happen. I didn’t realize that I had resigned myself to such an extent until now… I had closed off part of my heart out of sheer self-preservation.

And I know — trust me, I KNOW — that so many things could still go wrong. I know this. I know that I’m not “safe” until I have a living, breathing, healthy baby in my grasp, & even then there are lists of things that can go awry.

But. But I’m really starting to believe that this might be my turn. That this is really going to happen. And if those horrible things happen, I’ll figure out how to deal with it then…. But for now, I am 16 weeks pregnant. For now, I believe that I have a healthy little spawn growing in there. I really believe it. Finally.