I did some reading about diarrhea during 1st trimester & several sites referred to it as a precursor to miscarriage. Miscarriage? Freakout.

I woke up this morning & felt much better. No nausea, diarrhea, sore boobs, or frequent peeing, & only the slightest gag reflex. I feel better? Freakout.

I decided this morning that I should test again, just to make sure that the line is getting darker. Couldn’t find any pee sticks. WHAT?! No pee sticks? Freakout.

Dude, this is gonna be a long process if Z4 sticks. I need to find a calming tea or something. I’m making myself crazy, not to mention Bobby. Am thinking that I’m actually better off at work these days… at least on Mon thru Wed, I don’t have time to analyze every single twinge. I’m too busy keeping kids from eating their own snot, changing poopy diapers, & punching their friends in the face.

And confession: I made a pregnancy-related purchase yesterday. ::hangs head in shame::

I know, I know, I’m stupid. But here’s the rationale. During Attempt #2, I bought this day-by-day calendar of the fetal development, & Bobby & I both really liked it. It sat on our kitchen counter until… well, you know… & then it went to live in a box in the attic, along with ultrasound pics & the vhs of the heartbeat. And even though I know it’s rather foolhardy, I bought another one. I deliberately choose the slowest shipping method possible — it should arrive via camel — so that it won’t get here until after Beta #3. By then, I’ll know whether or not I should even open the package. You see?

I am now going to back slowly away from my computer & go do something else. Like clean my disgusting house, for example. And no more fixating or freaking out. For at least an hour.

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