I have a request, & I know that it probably goes without saying, given my less-than-stellar pregnancy history…

If I know you in real life or we’re facebook friends, will you please keep all this under your hat? I feel kinda dumb asking, since I know that ya’ll know this, but Bobby has requested that I request, so I am.. Will you please not tell other people who know us, or write about it on our facebook walls? Pretty please?

I’m thinking that if Z4 decides to stick around, & if I one day have the opportunity to “announce” (those are two HUMONGOUS “if’s”), I’m not putting it on facebook until I’m… oh, about 32 weeks or so. Like, “Hey guys, we’re probably having a baby in a few weeks.”

As for Bobby, he’s having a hard time with this. He’s, to put it bluntly, scared shitless. He’s not sleeping well. He was not in favor of me writing on this blog, which is why I didn’t write about it immediately… he kept bringing up the instances of people who have used my blog to cause a ruckus. And I know he’s right. He wants to make this as painless as possible for everyone concerned… & if Z4 doesn’t make it, he wants the “untelling” to be minimal.

Here, in this space, I’ve been spewing at record speed. But in my real life? I haven’t said a word. I’ve only vocalized the actual words out loud 4 times. And those 4 times (which consist of the tantrum announcement in the car, Jennifer, my father, & long-time friend & fellow infertile, Marlena), I didn’t say “I’m pregnant”… it was more of a “Soooooo I appear to be knocked up again.”*squirm, squirm*-type statement. I feel like every time I say it aloud, I’m begging the Miscarriage Gods to pay me a visit. Irrational? Maybe. But still.