Back in May after our beach trip, Bobby mentioned that he wanted to schedule something else fun… something for him to look forward to because Christmas was just too far away. I immediately began looking up cruises leaving on or around September 17th. Anything, ANYthing, to make that day & the days following easier. I’m not sure that going on a cruise for the anniversary of my mother’s death is entirely appropriate… although I know that Mama would snort at the sheer disrespectfulishness of it. But I do feel hesitant about not being near my family. Although I didn’t spend 9/17/09 with anyone, I knew that it was an option.

So our cruise leaves on Saturday, Sept 18th. I’d be lying if I said that I’m giddily counting the days. I’m not. Under every countdown to the cruise, there’s the knowledge that it’s also a countdown to the 3-yr anniversary. But I am really, really loving the thought of a week with my laptop/iphone/ipad-free husband. & I’m excited about the fact that we’re going with our best good friends, the kind of friends that require no pretense. & I’m proud that it’s already paid for. & honestly, I’m looking forward to the food. I love food, especially fattening, delicious food. What can I say?

Bobby & I are leaving Thurs night…  he has a last-minute job on Fri morning about an hour from the port. We’re spending the night there, then he’s going to go do work stuff while I sleep in (yay!). Maybe having dinner with Sue on Friday night, then our boat leaves Saturday. I think once I get on the ship, with the 17th behind me & the Bahamas in front of me, there will be an overwhelming sense of relief (Whew, I made it. Again.) and giddiness (And now I’m heading to the Caribbean, fruity drink in hand!).

Two years ago, on the first anniversary of Mama’s deathdate, I wrote that I wished I had someone to guide me through this… “this” being the anniversaries, the continual sense of loss, the pain that seemed completely unbearable. There wasn’t anyone then, & that guidebook still doesn’t exist (to my knowledge). But I do know that I talk (& mostly think) about the rawness in the past tense now. And that’s progress. And progress is good.