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Had my annual obgyn exam today, & recalled once again just how much I love my doctor. I’m serious — there isn’t even the barest hint of sarcasm in that statement, believe it or not. Yes, he can prod my inner workings with cold metal objects & force me to sit naked on an exam table with only a thin sheet between me & the world… yet I still love him. He’s quirky & a little bit dorky. He wears short-sleeved plaid button-up shirts with ink stains in the pockets where he absentmindedly puts his pens away without closing them. His pants are perpetually sagging. His hair is disheveled, & he swears often while dictating his notes into his little recording device. He has a box of tissues handy for my inevitable tears, & his office is covered with pictures of him holding successfully delivered, living, breathing babies. I mean literally COVERED — there are pictures on his desk, his bookcase, & two rows lining the baseboards around the entire perimeter of his office. It’s pulsating with good baby juju.

I walked him through the sad saga of Miscarriage #3 & the ensuing visits with the RE. He was encouraged by the fact that the various tests didn’t bring any huge, unfixable problem to light… rather, my abnormal results seemed relatively minor in the big scheme of things. He wrote me another prescription for zoloft (yes, I’m back on the antidepressant wagon & quite happy with that decision) & sent me on my way with a big hug. Told me that I’m “only” 32 & that he’s completely certain that he’ll be “getting a baby out of me” before it’s all over. Preach it, doctor-man!

Bobby & I talked about our current “TTC break” last week. He agreed to continue breaking until September.  For me, September looms as a milestone. September is when I hope to meet my weight goal. It’s when we’ve booked a cruise — our first since 2004 — something to lighten the gravity of the month. And most importantly, September will be three years since my Mama died & the whole world fell apart. You know how company’s have their fiscal year that is completely independent of the calendar year? September is mine — the end of “before” & the beginning of “after.” September is the month that it all changed, & everything I do wraps around how it relates to that one day, September 17th. I doubt it will always be this way… but for now, it is.