So if you’ve been reading a while, you may recall that Weight.Watchers and I have a love/hate relationship. The history goes like this:

  • 2003 — wedding weight. My dress fit, I was skinny (enough), & all was lovely.
  • 2004 — Mama was diagnosed with breast cancer. I started stuffing my face.
  • 2005 — Mama was pronounced “cancer-free.” I joined WW for the 1st time. It worked like a charm, and ~10 months later, I was once again at “wedding weight.”
  • 2006 — Mama was rediagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. I started stuffing my face.
  • 2007 — Mama died. I continued to eat massive amounts of food & also started washing it down with massive amounts of alcohol.
  • 2008 — Joined WW for the 2nd time. Got pissed off & quit. Continued eating.

Which brings us to the present. Yesterday, I joined WW once again. I looked into other programs — the local ymca, gyms, south.beach, nutri.system, etc. The bottom line: I don’t have the self-discipline to do it by myself. I NEED someone to hold me accountable. And perhaps I’ve fallen victim to the recent WW marketing campaign, but I’ve been drawn in by their new “momentum” program. It actually recognizes emotional eating, instead of just suggesting that you snap your wrist with a rubber band everytime you get hungry (yes, I have actually received that suggestion… perhaps I should invest in a shock collar for myself.)

I attended a meeting yesterday after work on a whim, and the topic just happened to be emotional eating… when the hunger’s in your head instead of your stomach. I jotted down something the leader said — “Emotions rarely respond to reason, but they almost ALWAYS respond to action.” Stayed after and asked the leader exactly what she meant by that, which led to Mama dying, which led to three miscarriages, which led to a 50-lb weight gain. Yes, folks, I finally got on the scale after months of ignoring it, and I’m officially 52 lbs over my wedding weight. It’s pretty stinking embarrassing to even write that, but I’m hoping that putting it out there will encourage me to stick with it this time.

There was a girl sitting next to me that stayed afterward too… when I was talking, I glanced over & her eyes had welled up with tears. And when I mentioned my fondness for cream cheese frosting, she said “coconut.” I looked at her, and she said “Coconut frosting. I have a tub in my fridge right now that I’ve already eaten halfway through.”  We signed up together, Coconut Girl and I. We both have 50 lbs to lose. We’ve both been there before and so we know it IS possible to be there again.

I really want to do it this time. Really.