Setting: Thanksgiving day, late in the evening.

Me: So Daddy, Bobby & I haven’t seen you much lately.
My father: I’ve been busy.
Me: But you find the time to go to Jennifer’s? [who lives 0.5 miles from me]
My father: She has babies.

After taking a moment to collect myself, I told him that if he had really put some thought into coming up with the absolute WORST thing to say to me, that would be it.

Dear God,
I was wondering if it would be possible for me to exchange one father (specifically Marty) for one mother (specifically Denise). I know that this is probably a policy violation, but was hoping that You could manage to make an exception just this once. I feel that Marty could really liven up the streets of gold with his dry wit and expertly timed verbal daggers, while Denise’s cheerful laugh and expert mothering/grandmothering skills would greatly improve things down here. I feel that if You would be willing to make this trade, You and I both would be quite pleased with the results.
Just think about it and let me know.