We’re several days into the November cycle, and I’m wondering why we decided to try again without some sort of aggressive plan in place. I’m sure I had a reason… now what was it? I’m taking my prenatal/folic acid/low-dose aspirin combo religiously, but it doesn’t seem like enough. I’m not being proactive. Why am I not being proactive? I whine about wanting a baby, and yet I’m not moving toward the goal in any definable way.
And I’m sick of being overweight. Yet I continue to eat ridiculous amounts of food with zero exercise. I want someone to make a plan for me, and then make me stick to it… is that too much to ask? I whine about being fat, and yet even as I type, I’m thinking about going through the Wendy’s drive-through on the way to work.
Have a nagging headache that’s been hanging out with me for going on two weeks. Feeling generally out of sorts & just plain grumpy. Bobby and I skipped church yesterday, and I know that is contributing to my dishevelment. I’ve come to reply on the Sunday morning service as a method of pushing the “reset” button… I feel guilty and aggravated at myself for not going.
It’s just like eating crappy food… I know that skipping Sunday morning or stuffing my face with french fries & chocolate makes me feel bad, but I do it anyway. Gotta love intentional self-sabotage.
Lately, I’ve been that sketchy girl… you know, that one who tells you she’s coming & then may or may not show up. I ask Bobby if he wants to see a movie — when he says yes, I change my mind. I’m avoiding people in real life and in the blogosphere. Why, you ask? Well, I couldn’t exactly say.
I annoy myself. Bleh.