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Recurrent miscarriage, or habitual pregnancy loss, is defined as three or more consecutive, spontaneous pregnancy losses.

I am now experiencing my third miscarriage. I didn’t even know I was pregnant this time until it was already obvious that it was over. I guess it’s better this way… didn’t have to waste any energy on hope.

I knew something weird was going on, but I couldn’t figure it out. You would think that with an infanticidal uterus such as mine, I would immediately assume. But I didn’t. I guess I was so focused on the CBE monitor and doing my ovulation pee sticks just right that I forgot to get all fixated on pregnancy pee sticks.

At least it happened before the RE visit. Now maybe they’ll take me more seriously.

Light bulb just came on. This explains why I never ovulated last month. Fuck.

I can’t help thinking that there’s something I could have done — I could have kept taking the progesterone. Or I could have not guzzled beer and coffee after I called defeat. Or I could have used expensive pregnancy tests instead of cheapo internet ones… what if my cheap tests were defective, and a drugstore hpt would have shown a positive?! What if. And then I find myself defending me against me… but I didn’t know! But I tested two cycles ago, and never got a positive! But I was trying to save money on hpts by buying cheaper ones! But, but, but.

So number three. I am now officially a recurrent miscarrier. Woo-fucking-hoo.

**Aug 12th edit: Went this morning and bought a real pregnancy test. I’m very much pregnant. And very much miscarrying. The internet tests are now in the garbage. I feel numb.

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