Topic of the day? Eggs. Ya’ll, can I just say that getting knocked up is no easy feat. I know that comes as a huge surprise to everyone reading [insert sarcastic snort here].

I’ve been using the CBE fertility monitor this month for the first time. It is now Day 20, and I STILL haven’t ovulated. What the hell. All I want is a happy little cartoon egg, monitor, work with me here.  My (theoretical) egg, on the other hand, looks more like this:


I’ve read the monitor instruction manual from cover to cover, and the lack of cartoon egg could mean two things:

  1. User Error… I screwed up one or more pee sticks, or
  2. I didn’t ovulate this month. Damn it.

I find myself thinking that it’s #1… what if I peed on the stick for more than 3 seconds? Or less than 3 seconds? Or what if I didn’t hold the stick in the downward position? Argh. Maybe the magical monitor is just collecting my data, and next month will be dead-on accurate.  Or maybe it’s accurate this month, and I didn’t screw any tests up, and I just didn’t ovulate.

Bobby and I had decided a while back that if he hadn’t managed to impregnate me by August, we would to back to the RE. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t much care for the RE that we saw last year. He was very clinical and impersonal, a fact that I’ve tried to get over. But should I have to get over it? Shouldn’t I LIKE my RE, especially since we’re going to be paying for every minute out-of-pocket? I know this is nit-picky, but during our initial appt, I had brought a chart of cycle data that I’ve been collecting over the last year. I handed it to him as a visual aid as I was talking, and he gave it the barest glance, and handed it back to me. Dude, it would take like 2.5 seconds for you to humor me and at least ACT like you give a damn about what I’m saying during the 40 minutes you’re bestowing upon me for the bargain price of $250.

Yesterday, I got online, and found that someone else had rated him a 2 out of 5 for bedside manner. So it’s not just me — there are at least two of us out there who aren’t fans. So I looked up another guy… same practice, different doc. He had a couple of high reviews, with a comment stating that he was willing to answer questions & wasn’t condescending. I called to make an appt, and asked that we be put on Dr OtherRE’s calendar. The little appt-maker girl asked me why, and I didn’t know what to say…. just mumbled something about online reviews.

Our appt is Mon, Aug 30th, which seems like a really long time from now. Maybe I should call back and push for an earlier time. Or maybe I should just chill out and continue bonding with my (Marlena’s) fertility monitor until Aug 30th. I think that’s one of the most aggravating things about this whole infertility thing… you have to wait for everything. Wait to ovulate. Wait to test. Wait to start another cycle. Wait for dr appts. Wait for a heartbeat. Wait for the end of the first trimester. Blahblahblahblah. And meanwhile, the calendar’s slipping away, and the biological clock is pounding in my ears.

*Image from Souvenirs & Scars