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I’ve been an utter blob for two days now. Car’s still in the shop (hey, $600 worth of repairs takes a while, apparently) so I’ve been somewhat stranded. Of course, there’s always cleaning the house or doing laundry, neither of which require a car, but I choose to use my car-less state as an excuse.

I need to call my grandmother. I can feel the mad vibe coming at me (us) all the way from Virginia, and I know that I need to just suck it up and dial the number already. Don’t wanna. She’s going to want to talk about evil cousin’s baby, and I don’t want to.

I told myself that I can’t get pregnant again until I meet my goal weight. I don’t want to have any obvious reason to blame myself if I have another miscarriage… I’m sure I’ll be able to come up with some other reason, but being overweight shouldn’t be one of them. I’ve been dedicatedly taking my vitamins every night — a regimen of prenatal, low-dose aspirin, B6, B12, folic acid, and zoloft (not a vitamin, but crucially important nonetheless). I think I may be purposefully delaying getting pregnant again. Moving on.

Daddy just called me and told me that Bobby and I need to have life insurance. He expounded on how great his life insurance company is, and how they’re “low pressure,” and we should have them come to our house (not), and how he just took out a $65k policy on Sue for only $15 per month. Well, yeah, she’s a completely healthy 21-yr-old… why WOULD a life insurance policy for her be expensive?!? And is it just me, or is taking a $65k policy out on your youngest daughter just kinda morbid?

And speaking of Sue… she’s been sharing her education with me here lately. Just this week, I’ve proofread an analysis of Than Shwe’s dictatorship of Berma and an explication of Trent Reznor’s personal grief as seen through his song “The Day The World Went Away.” Gonna be a long four years, people.

I live within a mile of a small, lovely, very expensive private college. Last week, an 18-yr-old student was abducted and raped while walking from the student parking lot. The entire town (especially the ones on this side) flew into a tizzy, talking about neighborhood safety, police presence, crime activity, etc. In online comments, my neighborhood was even referred to as a “crack den.” Two days later, the girl retracted her claim and said that she made it all up. Nice, huh? So now she’s been charged with making a false police report, and she’s in jail because her parents haven’t posted her bail. They send her to a $30k/year school, yet they’re going to leave her sitting in jail? I have mixed feelings about this… yes, I’m angry that she would tell such a horrible lie because it makes it exponentially more difficult for REAL victims. But I also wonder what’s beneath the surface? What’s going on in this girl’s life that would make her do this? In true stalker fashion, I found her on Facebook… am I a sucker because I feel sorry for her?

But then there’s this woman who claimed she had breast cancer. She took it to ridiculous extremes — shaved her head, pretended to go to treatments, took advantage of the charity and goodwill of everyone she knew. And it was all a sham… she had actually already pretended the same thing in another town, at another school. And this story made me VERY angry and I don’t feel even an ounce of sympathy for her on any level. Why do I feel sympathy for the student and not for the woman? Is it because of their ages?… the girl’s only 18, so maybe I can excuse her behaviour as (extremely) bad judgment or a misguided cry for help. Or maybe it’s because I’ve experienced breast cancer firsthand, and the idea of someone PRETENDING to go through what thousands of women endure daily is just revolting. But if I were a rape victim, would I feel the same way about the girl? I don’t even know why I’m thinking about this.

Ok, I’ll conclude my brain dump at this time. The end.

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