Today I had lunch with a few of my former S-D coworkers… I haven’t laughed like that in weeks. Actually, make that months. I miss them, I do. I didn’t remember how much until today… the last five months of solitude have dimmed the memory of just what a camaraderie we had. Sarah 1 & Drew weren’t able to come – they would have completed a reunion of the mighty “Wolfe Pack.” Yes, we’re geeky – we named our dept. But we liked each other mightily, in a way that you rarely have with coworkers… and when we disbanded, we did it up right. I “retired,” Tim headed back to Charleston, and then recruited Drew to move down to Charleston as well. If nothing else, we can’t be accused of doing anything halfway :)
Ok, prepare yourself for a concentrated dose of cheese… After today’s two-hour marathon lunch, I told Bobby on the way back to Anderson that I felt like a little wilted flower that had finally gotten some sunlight. Yes, I actually said that… I know, I know, could we be a bit more Hallmark-ish? But really – I felt so much more… awake? Bobby made the excellent point that spending time with non-family people, especially those who require no pretense or “social mask,” provides the opportunity to gain an objective perspective, to shake off the cobwebs. He’s right. It’s time for me to go back to work, not solely for financial purposes, but for the social interaction. No, my new workplace, wherever that is, probably won’t have a Julie or a Michele. But they will have people who are outside the core group, and who will give me something (and someone) else to focus on.
Also, I stopped by the drugstore on the way home and bought vitamins B6 and B12 to supplement a prenatal. A very smart bloggy friend shared some great info about MTHFR*, which has been linked to miscarriage. I haven’t had blood work determining whether or not I have the MTHFR mutation, but I have had two miscarriages, and there has to be a reason. So I’m going to start a vitamin regimen. If I DO have the mutation, the vitamins will help combat it. If I DON’T have the mutations, the extra B-vitamins won’t hurt. So it’s a plan… it’s something that I can do, an action that I can take to make me feel like I’m at least trying.
*Yes, I know, MTHFR looks like an abbr. for motherf**ker. That’s not what it stands for, although multiple miscarriages have a way of prompting this and other choice obscenities, thus making the coincidence rather fitting. MTHFR actually stands for methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase. You can see why they abbreviate it.
I’ve asked myself (and others) if it’s irresponsible to try a third time without making any changes… if, in effect, it’s just basically killing another tiny life. I know it’s thoroughly psychological, but the simple action of taking these vitamins makes me feel like it’s ok to give myself permission to try again. I figure it can go one of two ways: #1: I’ll get pregnant again and have a healthy baby. Gee, wouldn’t that be nice. Or #2: I’ll have a third miscarriage, at which point I’ll be officially defined by the medical community as having “recurrent miscarriages.” Two miscarriages don’t count as “recurrent,” apparently. And if this does happen, I’ll have (sorta) already ruled out one potential cause. Maybe. Maybe I’ll just have a healthy baby. Maybe. And there’s a #3 that I haven’t really considered… that I won’t be able to get pregnant again. I’m hoping, based on history, that this isn’t something I need to worry about. But I’ll probably go ahead and worry about it anyway, just in case.