I took a nap this afternoon and now can’t sleep. Just lying here, waiting for the little magic sleeping pill to kick in. This weekend has been rather odd – Sat and Sun passed quickly and silently. It seemed like I looked at the clock and 3 or 5 hours had passed without me noticing. Don’t know why.
Sat evening, Sue, Bobby, and I went to dinner, ice cream, and a movie with Dave Lee. The crowd at the Batman movie, “The Dark Knight,” was insanity… the entire population of Anderson was there, I do believe. We had an hour to blow between dinner and the movie and had this splendid idea about movie tailgating… sitting in the back of Dave’s truck, drinking beer, and conversing with the other Batman goers. Sue didn’t want to do that. I can’t imagine why. So we got ice cream instead.
I’ve been obsessively looking for signs of pregnancy for the last couple of days. I know the chances of me getting pregnant during the month immediately following a miscarriage is very unlikely… but I’ve found it very difficult to keep the thoughts from intruding.
Our journey without Mama during the last 10 months has taught me something. The concept of “normal” is an insidious delusion. We strive for it, we reach and claw and revere it. But it’s a mirage… something that’s ever-changing and slipping away every time we think we’ve finally reached it. Our “normal” in the apt. Then our “normal” in the house. Our “normal” with Sue living with us. Our “normal” with Bobby starting his own business… And on and on.
So ultimately there’s no such thing as “normal” – there’s just what we become accustomed to, no matter how odd or unusual or unorthodox. And the learning not to become too comfortable, because that’s when the rug gets jerked, and once again, you find your feet somewhere over your head.