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I usually have the tv on while doing chores around the house to provide background noise. Today, I made the mistake of turning it to WEtv, where there’s a marathon of “High School Confidential.” I can’t stop watching. Well, I probably could, but it’s fascinating and horrifying and terrifying all at once. I know that you can’t believe most of what you see on reality tv, but here we have 5 different girls from different backgrounds, different families, different cultures. And they’re ALL out of control.

Drinking, sex, pregnancy, drugs… it scares me. Is that really how it is in high school now? Bobby and I have had many discussions about how our high school experiences differed. He was having sex at study group at 15, drinking, partying. I was a total nerd – the girl with freakishly long hair and long skirts, who was super-smart and super-motivated to make good grades because that was the one thing that I could actually control. I would like to think that I overcame the hardship of being constantly different with my glowing personality :) …. but maybe that’s what I need to believe to feel ok about myself. My parents were very sheltering and protective, while Bobby’s were busy doing… I don’t know what they were doing, but they weren’t watching him.

Bobby says that I can’t freak out when our kids start experimenting – that it’s inevitable and if I overreact, it’ll only make it worse and they’ll still do it, but they’ll hide it from me. His theme song is “Look at me, I turned out ok.” But I don’t think that I can knowingly enable my kids. I can’t say “Well, I know you’re going to sex, so let me buy you some condoms” or “Well, I know you’re going to drink, so call me when you get done so I can come get you.” I really believe (and I know that some people may disagree with me) that these statement and others like them are basically saying “It’s ok with me if you drink and have sex.” And it’s NOT ok with me. I want to be a mom that my kids can talk to, share things with – but what’s the balance between listening and enabling? I don’t want to raise our kids as conservatively as I was raised… but I also don’t want them to have the lack of parental attention that Bobby had.

A “happy medium”… is it possible? What does it look like? We’re already shooting for somewhere between our childhood models. And then factor in the fact that things just seem scarier now. I wonder if this is how our parents felt when comparing their high school experiences to ours. And if alcohol/drugs/sex is already what I’m seeing on this show, then what is it going to look like by the time our children are high school age?

Ok, I’m turning off the tv and going to bathe my disgusting little Chins. I’m not even pregnant yet… why am I sitting here fixating on this?