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I am thankful. I have many things to be thankful for. Although I wish that some things were different, better, happier, I know that it could be worse. It can always, ALWAYS be worse.

  • I am thankful that my wireless internet reaches to the hammock, thus enabling me to write this list.
  • I am thankful for my hammock and for the gigantic and indescribably beautiful tree that it’s attached to.
  • I am thankful for my lovely yard, with its myriad of leaping squirrels and talkative birds.
  • I am thankful for my husband, who is inside wondering what I’m doing out here. Wondering whether he should come out here, or let me be – worried, but not wanting to do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing because he loves me an incredible amount.
  • I am thankful for my pills, because although I know that they can be a double-edged sword, they have allowed me to function during the last 5 days in a dulled, semi-haze.
  • I am thankful for Tammy, who drove to Anderson last night to let me know that she cared. I don’t know why she cares about me – she hasn’t known me for very long, and in the time she’s known me, I haven’t been very pleasant to know. But she does and I’m very grateful and humbled.
  • I am thankful for my Michele, and David Lee, and Crystal, and Barbie, and Ginny Plant, and Anne, and Julie, and Sarah 1, and Shelly, and Aunt Susan, and Bobby’s VIEW cohorts…. so many people who care and call and email.
  • I am thankful for my Grandmother Weathers, who sent a handwritten note telling the previously unknown story of her first baby – the baby she lost 60-something years ago.
  • I am thankful for Jennifer, Susanna, and Merrill, because even they don’t have a clue what to say or how to help, they still try.
  • I am thankful for my Dr Hearn because he is undaunted in his quest to “get me pregnant” (as he so eloquently says).
  • I am thankful for Dr Jerry, whose listening ears are worth every last dime we pay him.
  • I am thankful that my Chins don’t bark constantly, because the little yapper next door is as annoying as hell.
  • I am thankful for the heartfelt and raucous rendition that Sue just performed of “It’s a Grand Ole’ Flag”, complete with interpretive movement.

So. I do want to get pregnant again. I want to have a baby. But I don’t want it to become the focal point, obsession of my life. I have too many good things for the lack of that one thing to cast an overarching shadow.

I am going to buy a bicycle. One that is simple, with only one gear and brakes that work when you push your pedals backwards. I might even have a basket on my bicycle so that I can carry various things – not sure what, but I’m sure something will present itself.

And I’m not going to get a job right now. I don’t know how we’re going to do it exactly, and the logistics are still a bit fuzzy, but I’m sure that it’ll work out.

Bobby says I can’t open my laptop for the rest of the day. I do believe that there may be a day of festivities and patriotic moments conjured up amongst he and my sisters.

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