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It’s 1:40am on our five year anniversary.. just doesn’t seem quite real. Went to Townville tonight for dinner. Well, let me back up. Did a half day at work today, left at noonish to meet Bobby for a consultation with TLC Laser Eye Center. I’ve been wanting laser eye surgery for… well, since I first heard of it, and the thought had crossed my mind that taking advantage of S-D’s insurance wouldn’t be a bad idea. Not so sure that’s gonna work for me after all, but that’s another story. Bobby and I learned lots and lots of things about the wonders of laser eye correction – the main point being that I am an eligible candidate for the surgery – collected payment info and left. Went to Steak ‘n Shake for late lunch… one of my all-time favorites. I don’t know why there’s not one in Anderson.. I think that it would a smashing success. Anyway, went home, took a nap until Sue got home, then the three of us – Sue, Bobby, and I – sojourned out to Townville.

Jennifer had dinner ready when we arrived, and I could immediately tell that she’s been putting quite an effort into keeping the house “alive.” Little things had been moved around, it was freshly vacuumed and dusted, smelled like the home we grew up in rather than that cold, lonely smell that’s been greeting us for a long time, even before Mama left. Dinner ended in disaster, when I once again allowed Maggie’s octopus arms to connect with a full glass of tea. It went gushing all over me, her, the floor…. Yeah, pretty much everywhere. Which led to Maggie’s first bath in the bathroom sink at Granddaddy and Grandmama Denise’s house. I vaguely remember Susanna being bathed in that same sink… an odd sense of déjà vu.

Upon completion of the bath, we then moved into Mama’s room to dry Maggie off and put on her jams. We were all in Mama’s room, with Mama’s bed and Mama’s smell and Mama’s stuff everywhere, for the first time since…. The day after she died? Daddy stood at the door of the room – he’s not able to bring himself to walk too far into it. But I sat on the bed and held the Maggie after everyone else had left. I read her a book that Mama bought the three of us, but never got the chance to give to us – “Someday” by… not sure. It’s about a mother’s love for her daughter, and how, as the daughter grows up and become a mother herself, she’ll still remember, with love, her own mother. The mother isn’t present throughout the later stages of the book – almost as if the author intended it for motherless daughters. I read it to Maggie and tears rolled. I so wished that I might look up, and out of the corner of my eye, see Mama sitting there, smiling at her first baby girl and her first baby granddaughter. But I never saw her, although I stayed for a while.

Maggie finally fell asleep, and I returned to the family interaction, where they were hot and heavy into Christmas cabin selection. The cabin we went to last Christmas, which was absolutely perfect, is now for sale rather than rent. So we found another one in the Blue Ridge Mtns that meets all our requirements – mountain view, rocking chair porch, hot tub, 3 bedrooms, pet-friendly, wood-burning fireplace. And they even throw the wood in for free (which they’ll probably regret once they realize just how many fires Bobby builds). So I think it’s the one – we’re going to book 5 nights instead of 4… I’m wondering if Daddy’s going to be able to handle that length of time with all of us, but it was actually his suggestion, so we’re just going with it.

And now for the big topic of the day.

I think I’m really going to quit my job.

Clean break
Fresh start

Financial insecurity
Loss of great health insurance
I’ll greatly miss my coworkers – Julie, Tim, Drew, Sarah 1
No laptop
Potential “black mark” on my resume for employment lapse
Loss of corporate stability