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I have a feeling that Mama would transplant a sprout of this bush from my yard into her yard… looking at it makes me happy.

It’s post-Mother’s Day Monday. We made it. It actually was easier than Mama’s birthday… maybe because Mother’s Day is more general and commercialized, whereas Mama’s birthday was just hers. We hibernated for the entire day – away from the crowded restaurants and Hallmark marketing displays and Mother’s Day church services. Daddy, Jen, Tom & Maggie came over, and we ordered pizza last night with little ado. I think that Bobby’s mom was annoyed and/or hurt that I didn’t accompany her and Bobby on their Mother’s Day outing, but I just didn’t want to. So I didn’t. And Bobby didn’t pressure me or get annoyed in any way… He’s good like that. I still didn’t go to Mama’s grave. Daddy said that there were several flowers and arrangements up there – someone is acknowledging my mother on Mother’s Day more than I am. I felt unsettled, restless all day. Maybe I should have gone. I was just feeling obstinate… My sisters, Daddy, and I remember and revere and memorialize and mourn for my mother every day – why should May 11th be a special occasion just because the rest of the world is paying homage to their mothers who are most likely still among the living?


Saturday was a fun day…. Met Jackie from Grief Group at a quaint little place called Grits & Groceries. We drove and drove into the middle of nowhere, and then we rounded a corner, and there’s a tiny restaurant bursting with people. People driving Mercedes and Minis and old beater trucks. People wearing overalls and Wranglers and Lilly Pulitzer sundresses. Black people, white people, old people, young people. There were long picnic tables covered in striped clothes outside, where complete strangers were having breakfast together. And inside, there were bookshelves full of homemade jellies & jams, canned peppers, and goober pies (which are made of peanuts, apparently? Wasn’t previously familiar with goober pie). I had tomato pie, praline bacon, shrimp and grits, and dessert was blackberry pie with ice cream. Freakin’ yummy! And when I was standing in line at the cash register, the lady in front of me handed the girl a debit card. With a completely straight, matter-of-fact expression, the girl said “We only take cash, check, or IOU.”

We then followed Jackie, who knows all the little backroads in that neck of the woods, down a few more windy trails to a store advertising “Flower, Apples, and Rainbows.” How could you NOT stop at store with that on their sign? They were referring to the Rainbow flip-flops – I know, it’s not quite as much fun as an actual rainbow-rainbow, but more accessible, I guess. I really do like Jackie. Her husband died two years ago, and she’s finally starting to consider the possibility of living again. They were high-school sweethearts, married 32 years, when he died of cancer. She has two boys who are busy with their own lives, and she pretends she’s ok to them because she doesn’t want them to worry. Lives on a gargantuan 200-acre farm, and she invited us to her lakehouse for Memorial Day… her kids already have plans, and she was going to spend the day by herself… She may be sorry that she didn’t go with the by-herself option after an entire day with our family. :)

And Bobby and I used part of our “economic stimulus” money and purchased an HDTV this weekend. Ridiculous. We’re such clichés. I sat in Best Buy, and had mental turmoil while Bobby danced around like an evil little elf in anticipation. To buy the huge-to-us LCD flat-screen HDTV? Or not to buy the huge-to-us LCD flat-screen HDTV? Pondered the stupidity and frivolousness of using that money on an unnecessary electronic. Not to sound like a conspiracy nut, but I felt like I was feeding The Monster, giving in to The Man, following the exact path intended by the Powers-That-Be. Wouldn’t it be better to put that money toward debt? To pay off that business loan that’s still sitting there earning interest? Or put our car – whose dashboard is lit up like a Christmas tree with warning lights – in the shop? But then I said “screw it” and we bought a freaking huge-to-us LCD flat-screen HDTV. Yay for you, Powers-That-Be… you win. But we will continue to thwart your evil powers by paying off our entire business loan before making another frivolous purchase… So TAKE THAT! (Yes, I realize that I sound certifiably insane. All those who aren’t Dave Ramsey-ites, please just ignore my rantings.)