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Oh, and Friday when I left work, I called Grandma. Didn’t even left myself think about what I was doing when I hit “send” because I knew I would talk myself out of it. We chatted for about 45 minutes, and it was a nice conversation… danced around all sticky topics, talked mostly about Maggie, and I promised that we would come up before the end of April. (Well, actually it wasn’t my promise – Jennifer made that statement about 2 months ago, and Grandma brought it up – I just confirmed). Jen and Tom are going out of town during the last weekend of April, so that pretty much leaves us with this coming weekend. Feel a bit nauseous just thinking about it. What if it’s weird and tense and awkward? What if it’s not, like Mama’s still here and nothing ever happened? What if Grandpa gives us the cold shoulder? What if Uncle Rocky comes down and berates us for letting Mama die? What if he comes down and DOESN’T berate us, but instead just maintains a weird loaded silence? What if Grandma breaks down and gets all weepy? What if they say something to me about my pierced ears? Or short hair? I know they won’t say anything to Sue – she and Jennifer have always enjoyed a leniency that I’ve never had. Do I care what they think? I guess I do since I’m already planning to put my hair up all weekend. What if they get their feelings hurt that we’re only going to stay one night? What is our excuse to leave going to be? Blah. And again I say it…. Blah.

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