Sometimes things are just weird. I know, such a profound statement. But I really, really am puzzled by the way things work out sometimes.
I had a friend named M. She was a best friend. Was my classmate in middle & high school. I was her maid-of-honor and she was my bridesmaid (would have been my matron-of-honor if I didn’t have two sisters). She married. I married. Our husbands became best friends. No, not the kind of man-friends who are forced to be friends by their wives who are friends… no, like, actual real friends. They talked on the phone almost every day, sometimes more than once. We vacationed together. We invited each other to family functions. We were truly close.
I’ve spent much time trying to figure out exactly when it began changing. When was the first time that I felt a twinge of unrest about our friendship? That first flash of frustration or hurt or impatience?
It’s so easy to pinpoint one particular event, or a specific feeling of hurt and label it “The Day It All Changed.” But that’s just a cop-out… it’s not accurate, it doesn’t take into account all the extenuating circumstances and outside forces that played into what ultimately became us taking two different paths. And that’s ok. That happens sometimes, often in fact, that two adult couple friends won’t be able to sustain through a certain period of transition and upheaval. Yes, it’s very easy to cast blame, to make a list of all the offenses, and use that as justification for my own actions. But that allows a false feeling of self-satisfaction, when really, when a 17-yr relationship ends, both parties inevitably played a role in its undoing.
So now, last week, our friendship officially ended. I didn’t want it to. But I didn’t want it to continue either… not as it was. It makes me sad. But the thought of trying to muddle through all the misconceptions, innuendos, feelings of guilt & betrayal, anger & justification… How do you know when enough is enough?