[Excerpt from email to Michele]
So I just have to vent…. I’m SO pissed at Bobby. Sometimes I really just don’t even feel like we speak the same language. This week, I’ve been just a basket case, trying to figure out our finances. Even though we have enough in savings for 2 months, that’s not a long-term situation, you know? So I’ve been stressing – he’s had something going on every night this week, and when he gets home or when we talk on the phone, all he wants to talk about is how excited he is about VIEW Digital Media, and how great everything is. Um, HELLO?!?! It’s like we didn’t even have the conversation about how I felt more secure with a stable job and income and benefit package and retirement, etc. Sometimes, I feel like I’m married to his dad, but without the cheating. His dad has had probably 15 jobs in the last 10 years – bouncing from job to job because they never fully meet his expectations, and because he knows so much more than all the people that he works with/for. Now I know I’m being bitchy and irrational, and it’s not Bobby’s fault that Champion went out of business. I guess my thing is that I hate, despise, loathe entirely the whole entrepreneur/small business/start-up thing. I HATE it. It’s stressful, and unstable, and undependable, and I hate it. I want stability – a stable income with all the perks that go with it. I don’t know why that’s so hard. So I’ve been stewing all week, just trying to get my brain around the whole idea of what our deficit is, and how we can make it work, and meanwhile, he’s sleeping in in the mornings when I leave for work, and last night when I came home from keeping Maggie and Daddy, there’s equipment all over the living room where he had one of his many “business” meetings, and food all over the kitchen, and he’s been in SWEATPANTS all day. ARGH!! So I go to bed just annoyed… wake up at 4am, and all the lights in the house are on. The kitchen light’s on, the food is still everywhere from that morning, I guess – the equipment is still all over the living room, there are coffee cups and papers covering the dining room table, all Bobby’s equipment is running in the office, and he’s asleep in his clothes on the sofa. What the hell?!? Just pisses me off – he’s not on any kind of schedule, I ask him to do things for Rettew Weddings, and he says “ok, I’ll get that done” – two weeks later, it’s STILL not done and the brides are calling and emailing me wanting to know where their stuff is. And this morning, he calls me on the way to work and makes his very dramatic statement about how he feels like “he’s losing his wife.” Um, whatever that means. So I start trying to tell him why I’m stressed out, and he gets all defensive and starts yelling about how he’s trying, and I’m so demanding, and he doesn’t know what I want, and I’m making him feel like a child, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then he just completely finishes me off, when he says “you’re just upset about your mom and you’re taking it out on me.” So I start screaming about how this has nothing to do with Mama, and he is NOT allowed to just discount my opinion by saying “oh, whatever, she doesn’t mean it, she’s just upset about her mom.” I’m upset because he’s UNEMPLOYED, damn it…. why doesn’t he get that?!?!
Ok, so you don’t have to respond this email. I just needed to vent. I swear I’m going to kick him out and make him live with his mother if he’s not a payroll by April 1st.