For documentation purposes, I am blogging.
Yesterday, there was a meltdown between Uncle Rocky & me – the final consensus was I “really am my father’s daughter after all” and he’s “no longer my uncle.” And last night, I sucked it up, put my pride away, and called Grandma & Aunt Jeanie. The Great Apology then ensued – I begged for forgiveness for all my wrongdoings, everyone else’s wrongdoings, and the wrongdoings that I had absolutely nothing to do with. And I would like to think that now all is well (well, as well as possible).
The phone call with Grandma ended with her saying “the sun’s shining a little brighter in VA today because you called me”…. it’s probably one of the truly sweetest, most heartfelt things that she’s ever said to me.
And although it’s hard to believe that I’m actually typing this, I’m considering the possibility of apologizing to Uncle Rocky. Not because I care about him, or I care what he thinks, but because I just want the drama to be over. I’m tired of this. I’m tired of thinking about him. And is an empty apology will end it, then it’s worth it to me.
I was thinking this morning that after that initial rush of relief when I got off the phone last night, I really don’t feel much different. There’s just not many people who know me anymore – ya’ll, Bobby, Tom, Maggie, Daddy, David Lee, Michele – the list is shrinking more and more, and that’s ok, I guess. I mean that these are people I really care about – I keep in touch with them, I call them back if they call me, I return their emails regularly, if a certain period of time passes without talking to them, I actually notice, and I miss them. And Grandma & Grandpa are not on that list. I called them because I know it matters to them and to Mama. But not a lot to me. I didn’t miss talking to Grandma during the last 2 months. I realized that this morning that I pretend to be someone I’m not when I talk to her, and I’m doing it for her, not myself. And that’s ok.
That last paragraph was just a little introspection that I would have usually shared with one of ya’ll on the phone on my way to work, but no one was awake. So I blogged instead. So there you have it.
When I think about going up there on the 14th, I just feel resigned. Kinda like I felt with M’s wedding activities – it’s not fun, it’s not what I prefer to do, but it really, really matters to them, so let’s just suck it up and get through it.
Yeah, don’t guess I’ll be winning any Granddaughter of the Year awards this year.
But I’m really excited about our weekend of not doing anything except maybe buying Maggie a Christmas dress and going to see “Enchanted”…. these are the kind of weekends that make me really, really glad that Sue’s home and that I’m not an only child :)