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So, I just realized while reading your posts that it’s been a while since I’ve posted. It’s not that I haven’t been keeping up with it, it’s just that I haven’t felt like putting forth the effort to actually write anything. So, I’m just starting nice a simple:
Hmmm…what has life been like lately? Well, 1) I am canceling my therapist appt. tomorrow to go get my hair cut and colored, 2) I am currently pursuing a new career for Sarah, 3) I’m reading the Total Money Makeover to Maggie, 4) I’m trying to freakin’ lose weight.

Okay, now about #1. So, I don’t know if I like Donna Tingle. Or maybe it’s just the idea of anyone who is going to make me sit in a har11/15/07d chair in their office and discuss things that are horrible enough without saying them…all for the sake of “working through the grieving process”. Blah, blah, blah. Maybe it’s nothing against her. Just anyone in her role. SO, I probably will go back, just not tomorrow. I decided that my hair was more important and I’ve been thinking that I wouldn’t mind getting it cut a good bit shorter…or something. I really don’t know. I’m going to look at pictures online today and see if I find anything.

#2 – I have taken it upon myself to get you into a new career, Sarah. And I really like the one that you are applying for in District 5. I just think (like I already told you) that your life is suckage enough already that you shouldn’t have to dread getting out of bed every morning and reporting to a crap hole job that you hate hate hate. I think Daddy’s right. It’s not worth paying off your debt a few months earlier and sacrificing by staying in a job that makes every week day miserable (and oh..Sunday, too, because you know you have to go there the next day). I mean, hell, if anybody knows about staying at a job for every reason except because they like it, it would be our Daddy. Side note – I can’t wait until he retires from Michelin. I think it will be so great for him to zoom around (or um…putt around) in his clankety ceil brite van and just go wherever his little heart desires. I really think that will be great.

#3 – I really have nothing to say about number 3. Except the fact that I am apparently the “free spirit” in this marriage and I told Tom the other day that I feel like he treats me like I’m not as smart. I saw the book lying on the coffee table yesterday while I was feeding Maggie and just opened it and started reading it to her. Before i knew it, I was already on like page 30 or something and I realized I was enjoying it. So, now I’m going to finish the entire thing and I, too, will be a financial guru when I am finished.

#4 – So, what Sarah said about the whole weight thing is true. I have lost 5 lbs. total. And I know it sucks that you’ve gained Sarah, but I think we’ve both done really well this week. If we keep it up, there will definitely be good news (hopefully) this week for both of us. I think that we should go weigh in on Monday night since we’re leaving Tues. a.m. And who freakin’ cares what the dumb woman behind the counter said. The only thing keeping her from gaining more than 4 pounds is she knows she’ll lose her job if she does. Did you know that? WW workers have to weigh in like once a month and if they’re like more than 2 lbs. over their target weight, they get put on probation and can’t run meetings until they lose it again.

And there is no #5 – except the fact that do y’all realize that on Saturday Mama will have been gone for 2 months? I counted it up last night in my head as I laid in bed and she has been gone 59 days as of today. It’s crazy. When I look back over that time, it just looks like one gray blur and when I look ahead, all I see still is a gray indefinite blur of days running together and not really having any significance at all. It hit me all over again last night and I couldn’t sleep and I just laid there and asked her how she could be gone. How she could have left us. How she couldn’t be here for me and her to take Maggie on walks in the park like I told her we would when she got better. And I laid there wide awake doing the silent sob thing until the next thing I knew, Maggie was waking me up and it was 6 a.m.

She slept through the night officially for the first time last night. Put it on the calendar! She went in her crib asleep at 11 p.m. and didn’t wake up until 6 a.m. this morning. Yay for 7 hours of sleep!!!!!!

I’m heading out to Townville in just a little bit to clean the house. I fixed Daddy spaghetti this week and made him 3 plates to eat whenever. Today, I’m going to cook him hamburgers and leave those in the refrigerator. This is a weird new life I have come to know. Cleaning my Mama’s house, cooking Daddy food to have, dusting Mama’s dresser really good (not because she’s going to make me redo it if I do a crappy job, but just because I want to do the best job I can for her). I want the house to be like it always has, but yet every time I go over there now and walk in the kitchen, it even smells different. And I try to think, is this the way it smelled when I walked in and knew Mama was here? Or is this a really a new smell? And I think that it smells the same as always, but yet, completely different. Because it is different. No matter how much I try to keep it just like Mama were still here, she’s not and all the cleaning, laundry, dusting, cooking in the world won’t make that better. But I have to go now and get ready to go out there. Maybe I can catch Daddy before he goes to bed and give him some “Maggie time”. See y’all later.

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