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Well, today’s been just lovely… one of those red-letter days that would have thankfully slipped into the sea of oblivion if I weren’t documenting it. Can’t say that the sea of oblivion would have been a bad destination for this one….

Didn’t sleep worth a crap last night – tossed and turned, kicked Bobby in an attempt to stop the snoring, watched the clock, and tried not to think bad thoughts until 3am. Then I just plain pissy when my alarm clock went off a few hours later. Monthly report is due today, so that kept me occupied all morning once I got to work and chugged two cups of coffee. Then, the downward slide continued with a meeting before lunch…. I was doing fine, everything was just super-duper, until I looked down and noticed some scribbly notes on my legal pad about “CT scan & bloodwork results faxed to Seneca.” I felt my throat starting to close up, and so I tried to breathe through it and focus on the conference call, when I was then struck by the realization that the last time I talked to the guy on the other end of the phone, Mama was still here. I travel to Chicago with him, and I called her from the hotel (which was a total craphole), and we laughed about “Ichabod Crane” and the merry band of misfits. And then I couldn’t get a deep breath, and felt that gaggy feeling in my throat, and was terrified that I was going to spew vomit all over my boss’ office, Exorist-style.

So I choked back the vomit, and heard the meeting being dismissed over the buzzing in my ears…. and as I grabbed my purse and made a beeline for the door, one of my coworkers, Sarah 1, asks me if I’ve had a chance to talk to HR about counseling yet. Something tells me that she might have spotted a crack in the ole’ facade?!? Called Susanna and had a brief, violent breakdown – my crying fits these days are like passing clouds – a good gust of wind, and it’s gone.

Only 1 hr and 14 more minutes before I can bolt outta here…. god, this sucks.

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