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Good grief.

This weekend – and past week – was bad. Just bad, bad, bad.

Then Monday was Sue’s birthday. Can’t believe she’s 20. We took her to the Melting Pot, and gave me a camera, along with all the clothes that Bobby and I bought her for Rush. Mama was able to go to the Melting Pot, and seemed to have a pretty good time.

Went to Duke yesterday. Left yesterday morning from our apt and drove to Champion to pick Bobby up. No drama up until that point, then Bobby refused to get in the van – he decided that it was too crowded and he would just take his own car. Well, that didn’t fly – I wanted all of us to be in the car together. So a brawl ensued in the parking lot of Champion – lots of slamming doors and annoyed sighs. So Bobby drove his little butt over and rented a 15-passenger van from Enterprise. So there we go – up the road in the Tribble Bus, as Daddy was calling it. The appt with Marcom went well. He said that he knew, as we all do, that the statistics aren’t good and that this is a fatal disease. But he said that he believes that God doesn’t want us to quit either – so he wrote Mama a prescription for Xeloda, and made us an appt to come back in 3 weeks, on Sept 6th. It was so nice to hear a positive doctor – reaffirmed our decision that our time with O’Rourke is done. He said that the CT scan done last week showed that there’s extensive cancer throughout the liver. But he said that the liver is still fully functioning, which was such a relief to me – I had looked up early symptoms of liver failure, and become completely convinced that that’s where we were. He attributed the nausea to the tons of Ibuprofen (800 mg) horsepills she’s been taking (per O’Rourke’s instructions). So it’s pretty clear that Carboplatin has run its course. I was looking at her bloodwork, and it’s just so upsetting in retrospect. Her blood counts starting looking bad on July 13th – and we were supposed to go back to Duke in July. But instead, we just got comfortable and complacent with O’Rourke’s “Carbo’s working, so let’s just do 4 more”, and didn’t make our Duke appt like we should have. What if…. I just hate this. Marcom did say that only a huge improvement in the liver would make another CT scan worth it, and he wants to start basing her treatment decisions primarily on the circulating tumor cell, which they get from running her bloodwork. Another example of how O’Rourke was just out of his league – when Daddy asked him about CTC, he just blew it off, and said that it was unreliable, and basically, unimportant. So Duke will do another CTC on Sept 6th after one round of Xeloda, and see if the numbers go up or down. He said that if Xeloda doesn’t appear to be making much headway by itself, he wants to add Avastin (again) and Abraxane – a member of the taxane family that apparently is more effective with triple-negative than both Taxetere and Taxol.

And Sue’s Rush experience has been mixed. She met all 10 sororities on Monday, and got her invitations back on Tuesday morning…. She only got TWO!! I was shocked – what the hell?!? I don’t get it – I know she doesn’t have that stereotypical sorority girl look, but she’s cute – what’s up with that? But maybe it’s for the best – she was crying and so upset about ADPi not asking her back (despite the fact that she knows girls and she had 2 recommendations) that she was considering not even going to the two events that she was invited to. But I told her that I thought dropping out would be a mistake…. She needed to go to the events, and see what happened. Well, last night she went to Gamma Phi Beta at 7:30 and Kappa Alpha Theta at 9:30, and absolutely loved Gamma Phi. Bobby says that they’re a good group – fun girls, but very cute, very active in the community, very personable. So she’s decided that she’s going to pursue Gamma Phi, and go all out – if they don’t give her a bid, she’s just not going to do a sorority. I’m so worried – I really, really hope that it works out…. I so want her to have a close-knit group of girls that she can depend on.

Daddy called and told me that Mama got up this morning, went to the kitchen to make herself breakfast, and passed out cold in the floor. He found her a while later – not sure how long – and she doesn’t remember passing out at all. Her vision is also blurry, and she hit her head on the floor when she fell. He’s taking her to Dr. Franks, and called Duke – spoke to Dr. Marcom’s nurse. She asked a lot of questions, and said not to start Xeloda until tomorrow, and call back with the report from Franks. That’s where they are right now – I guess he’ll call when he gets out with the update. I asked Daddy if we could get a brain MRI done – I’m just scared that maybe we’re talking about mets in the brain now. It really hasn’t sunk in – I’m blocking out the fear of what that means.

Jennifer just called… M&D are on their way to the ER. During Mama’s appt with Dr. Franks, she got disoriented and didn’t know who Dr Franks was. So they’re on their way to Anderson ER to get a CT and MRI. Franks diagnosed a concussion…