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Mama’s CT scan is today. We agreed that she and Daddy are not going to ask the technician to even look at it – that they’re in, out, and then calling O’Rourke to ask for expedited results. Also Daddy is going to ask O’Rourke why I paged him three times this weekend without receiving a call-back. I just need to keep reminding myself of what I told Mama this morning… which is:

Nothing I can do will change the outcome of this. I have no control. None of us do. The results of this set of scans were decided long, long ago. And the path is already set – this particular set of scans has little to no impact on the big picture. It’s only information – unbiased, neutral information. It’s not positive or negative – only the feelings that we assign to it are positive and negative.

Now if only my stomach would stop flipping.

Jennifer’s dr appt yesterday went really well. She and Tom got to hear the heartbeat again through a Doppler, and she had to have bloodwork, a breast exam, and all sorts of not-fun checkup stuff. Hearn put her mind at ease about things she’s been stressing about, like epidurals and episiotomies. She and Tom stopped by the apt on the way home, and chatted with Marlena and Tim for a few minutes.

I just chatted with Ron – he just needs attention to make him happy. I stopped in to “just say hi”… and I think that it made him happy. He’s leaving early today, and won’t be here tomorrow or Friday – he’s not really so bad (today), I don’t guess, but I still prefer him to not be here. I just breathe easier…

Just signed the guestbook on Emma Claire’s website – she truly is the most precious, loved child.

I just talked to Mama and Daddy a few minutes ago. The scan is over, and they were heading into Steak & Shake…. Yum! Mama assured me that she didn’t say anything to technician, and Daddy said that he investigated and O’Rourke hasn’t called me back because he’s out of country again. Maybe Mama needs an oncologist who’s not such a well-seasoned world traveler… that man leaves the country nearly once a month! Which means that he’s not spending time contemplating which chemo cocktail he’s cooking up for my mother next week…. And they can’t skip a week, unless they skip two because of Daddy’s work schedule. Grrrr, that man annoys me – the HCP, not Daddy. I really wonder how Mama would feel if she had a positive-thinking, proactive oncologist like some of the ladies on the message board. I think it would definitely make a difference – she’s so easily swayed by the smallest word, tone, and facial expression of O’Rourke’s… and I really feel like he’s not a good for the “chronic” cancer patient – his bedside manner was flawless the first time, but he’s been nothing but a downer this second time.

I don’t even know how to go about finding a new oncologist with a more positive outlook….

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