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Tonight I’m making Applebee’s Fiesta Lime Chicken for our “dinner night” – last night, spent what felt like HOURS chopping stuff for pico de gallo. Yes, that’s right, home-made pico de gallo. We’ll see how it goes… I did something bad to my hands last night though – maybe knicked myself a few times? – and every one of my fingers were burning like fire afterward. Kept me awake for a while, but was better when I woke up.

Jennifer’s 2nd appt with Hearn is today – just a checkup. Her next ultrasound is April 12th… that’s when we find out if we have a Noah or a Maggie in our future. Noah was actually my idea… but it doesn’t go with Rettew, and I’ve already claimed Charlie, so I didn’t fuss when she adopted it. Amy pointed out that his name is going to be “Noah Haren” – like “no-a hair-en” but Jennifer’s standing firm.

And Mama’s CT scan is tomorrow morning – I’ve been preparing for the worst, although I honestly don’t think that’s what we’re going to get. It’s basically be one of three options – they’re gone and she’s all better (obviously, this would be great, but it very unlikely), they’re the same (this is what I’m hoping for), or they’ve spread (this is what I’m preparing to hear so I’m not blind-sided).

But I don’t think it’ll be the third option – she still isn’t feeling bad (except for the random bout of bronchitis), and I really, really believe that there would be an indication if it has gone that way. I’m just trying to take it one week at a time – usually, people say one day at a day, but I can’t do that… one day fits Mama’s situation, but one month fits my leaving Sauer-Danfoss… so I’m compromising by focusing on one week… small enough to not look too far into the future, but large enough to make the months slip by. Plus, the chemo has broken up everything into one-week increments – everything is now scheduled in terms of “chemo week” vs. “not chemo week.”

Need to call Frankie today… we need to know the verdict as far as sales and income taxes are concerned. Also need to add dry-cleaning and postage to the budget.

So just got call from Bobby… David is backing out of dinner tonight because he thinks that it’ll make the situation with Jennifer worse. Bobby’s is PISSED – he’s ready to call Jennifer and ream her from top to bottom because he feels like she’s dictating his friendship with David. I’m mad at Jennifer for her behavior because it hurt David, and is now causing even more tension. But I honestly don’t think that Jennifer’s emotional breakdown Sat night was caused by David. I think he was the TRIGGER, but not the root cause. She told Mama that she has been worried about her and wanted to talk to her and when she pulled up in the driveway and his truck was there, she just got so upset that she just sat there and bawled – and then she couldn’t come in because we would all know that she had been crying.

The root of this issue, I believe, is worry about Mama – earlier Saturday, Jennifer and I talked for a long time about Mama’s mental state, and how we think she’s giving up on some level, if not completely. I walked away from it basically unaffected because I was just voicing thoughts that I’ve been having for days. And I was actually impressed with Jennifer’s seemingly mature discussion of it – I told Bobby on the way to Townville that night that I felt like I had “misjudged” Jennifer, that she was actually more “realistic” than I had given her credit for.

Well, turns out I was right to begin with and wrong on Saturday… our conversation was all new thoughts for her, so unlike me, she fixated on them for the rest of the day. Worked herself into a deep funk, and came to Townville to “discuss” – even though she knew that Marlena and Tim would be there. Seeing David’s truck in the driveway just bumped her over the edge – she’s been dreading seeing David since she got pregnant, and when she realized that David was going to “prevent” her from coming in Saturday night (not because he really did, but because she just didn’t want to deal with the uncomfortableness of seeing him), then she assigned all the blame to him… all the nervousness, anxiety, worry that she’d been feeling all day culminated into a big crying fit when she realized that she wasn’t going to be able to go into Mama and Daddy’s house and let loose. I honestly think that she might have had a similar, less severe reaction when she pulled and saw Marlena and Tim’s car as well… because they would have prevented her from releasing all that anxiety as well. But they wouldn’t have actually ADDED to it, which is what David did. She asked me several times last weekend if David was going to be at Bobby’s birthday party – I hadn’t even thought a thing about it, but it was a very prevalent thought in her brain. I’ll bet she had on maternity clothes Saturday night and LOOKED pregnant – that, combined with the worry that had accumulated all day became the perfect recipe for an emotional trainwreck.

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