Marlena & Tim are back from Guatemala – they had a wonderful time. Emma Claire has grown immensely since they’re first visit – in Dec, she was 10 lbs, and now she’s 16!! I think that handing her back over to her foster mom was traumatic once again – I’ll be so glad when they are finally able to bring her home.
Tomorrow is our appt with Frankie the tax accountant – doom day. We have to get all our paperwork together and organized tonight – I’m just so ready to know the verdict. I’m hoping that it can’t be as bad as what I’m picturing… lord, I hope not.
And today is Mama’s 7th chemo treatment. I’m trying not to think about it too much – I wanted to call Townville this morning, but didn’t let myself. I knew Daddy would answer, and that would pretty much eliminate any ability to concentrate today.
She was in such a funk last night – has been since Saturday. Very quiet, withdrawn, impatient, testy. Not fun, but we all know why she’s grouchy. She just dreads it so much – I wish that she could just accept it as part of her schedule instead of mentally fighting it every two weeks – I know that’s easier for me to say than it would be to actually do it, and I’ve never walked in her shoes. But also, I know that Mama fights and denies more than the average person – I honestly think (and I could be very wrong and I hope that I never have the opportunity to find out) that I would have come to terms with the treatments themselves – maybe not/probably not the thought of death, but I think I would have accepted the physical act of taking treatments. I don’t know. I just can’t make her ok with it – no matter how hard I try to fix it. I’ve told her so many times that if it were possible for me to take these treatments for her, to take her cancer, to take her place, I would. I would without even having to take a minute to think about it. But she would never allow me to do that… for her, the only thing worse than having to leave us is if she had to watch one of us go through this.
Anyway, I don’t want to think about that right now.
Here’s a happy thing… Brad bought a ring for Rosemary! And he asked me for input and help! It might sounds kinda corny, I felt so special that he let me be a part of that – I know it’s just because I worked at Skatell’s more than because of our friendship, but still… I was happy. It made me feel better than I think I would have if I had just heard through the grapevine that they were engaged.
Things like this always make me think of Chad – this is something that he would be involved in. I sent in a check for our West-Oak high school reunion fee – it’s Apr 28th. It’s going to fun, but thoughts of Chad are going to be everywhere – he would have been there in full form, no doubt. High school gatherings – oh, he was all about them. I wonder if he knows when people think about him – I hope so, because he’ll know how many people love & miss him so often.