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It just struck me when I wrote that date that Bobby and I have been married exactly 3 years and 8 months…. I was getting my hair done on this time 3 yrs & 8 mos ago… and stressing out BEYOND BELIEF.

Almost 4 years… that’s really hard to believe. In some ways it seems to have flown by – in other ways, it’s been the longest 4 years of my life. I’m glad that Bobby and I took the first 3 years to just relax and get to know each other… but now looking back, I realize that that was our only accomplishment. We spent every dollar we made, and more, and basically have nothing to show it except that we had 3 years of fun. But I guess as time goes on, I’ll probably look back on those 3 years and be so happy that we had them. Even though I’m jealous of Jennifer and Tom on some level, I’m also so very glad that that didn’t happen to us… they’ll never have the 1, 2, or 3 years to look back on and say “remember when we were young and carefree?” So anyway, that’s all my philophizing (is that a word?) about that.

I have an update to the cancer journal… We met with Dr. O’Rourke yesterday, and he was positive and hopeful-sounding…. uncharacteristically “un-HCP-like.” (By the way, I’ve dubbed him “Hope-Crushing Pagan”, or HCP for short). He gave us a lot of details that we’ve really needed for a while – our family just operates better with a firm structure in place. Otherwise, we worry ourselves to death…. He said that he’s pleased with how the Avastin & Taxol are working. He wants her to do at least 8, possibly 12 treatments, depending on the effectivity. And he agreed to do a CT scan every 4 treatments to monitor the status of the liver. She just had #4 yesterday, so she’s getting a CT scan in the next 1-2 weeks. And he confirmed that she’s triple negative… I had already surmised that based on the reports, etc, but I had never heard him say it outright. Plus I think that Daddy needed to hear him say it – it’s ridiculous that Mama’s been having this breast cancer thing go on since 2004 and they didn’t understand the significance of triple negative until yesterday. But anyway. I had a pretty good feeling from the HCP yesterday – my irritation with him dropped a good bit, so I guess he’s back in the good books until he skips another appt with Mama, and then I’ll be pissed again.

Bobby had to go to Charlotte today, and we talked while I was the way to work….it’s weird, but sometimes I think we talk better on the phone than in person. Or maybe it’s while we’re stuck in the car – there’s nothing else going on, so I think it’s always been a good time for us to catch up. Starting tonight, I’m going to try to help us turn a corner. I’m not going to say a word about getting pregnant… I think he’s working at a Clemson basketball game this evening, so I don’t even know if I’ll see him. But if I do, I’m going to fix a nice healthy meal and ask him if he would like to go for a walk. I get all annoyed with him, but I know what his problem is… it’s completely predictable and it hasn’t changed since I first met him. He needs a schedule. He needs structure. He gets ALL out of wack when these things are taken away from him. Which is why I don’t think that we’ll ever be able to go out on our own with a business – between my nervousness about not having a regular income and his need for a schedule, our marriage would probably be doomed if he ever quit his regular job. But for now, what we need is for him to GET a regular job… I so hope, for both of our sakes and the sake of our marriage, that he gets a job offer soon. This whole unemployed thing is just driving both of us batty…. Not good.

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