So it’s been a week since Baby H came into our lives…. Wow, so much can change. Jennifer got a nasty virus yesterday – puking her brains out. Pregnancy makes everything more significant – suddenly, what would normally be a virus is now a potential problem with the baby. Hearn ensured Jen & Tom that everything’s fine. I’ll just be glad when she has her first appt and is officially checked out on Feb 12th.
And I actually turned a corner of some sort last week… I was completely devastated by Jennifer’s news at first – happy for her, but really, really, incredibly sad for myself. And angry. Angry that my child isn’t the first. Angry that my child will never be the oldest grandchild like both Bobby and I were. Angry that Bobby took this away from me, and I missed my window. But on Friday morning, I think it was, I just had a peace about it. It’s ok if I don’t get pregnant immediately… I may not feel that way if we don’t get pregnant in January, but I feel that way now. Sometimes things aren’t what we expect, but everything happens for a reason. And this virus of Jennifer’s was really a realization of how attached we all already are to the thought of Baby H. If something happened, it would be truly horrible. So we won’t even think about that.
So we’ll see how this goes…. Bobby did mention yesterday that I’m much more peaceful than I have been. I don’t know what changed, exactly, but I have felt better for the last few days. This place isn’t getting to me anymore… it’s annoying, but it’s a job and it’s life. I’m just doing whatever I need to do during the day, and then going home.
Bobby’s coming to get me for lunch (one of the few advantages of being unemployed) so have to run….