Jennifer is pregnant… I don’t even know what to think… I’m happy. And also sad. I was upset with Bobby last night… I know that everything happens for a reason, but I felt cheated last night when I watched my parents’ faces when Jennifer told them. They were so, SO excited… and I’ve been picturing those looks for such a long time now, but not in one of my mental scenarios were they looking at Jennifer.
But there’s a plan… I just need to quit worrying about everything. I’m so afraid that something’s wrong with me – it seems like I’m surrounded by women who have issues getting pregnant – Marlena, Michele, Crystal, Barbie. It almost feels like that having problems is the norm rather than the other way around. I just sat there and cried. Maybe an hour later, Jennifer shows me three positive pregnancy tests. I’m so happy for them and so jealous… I so wish that the decision had been taken out of my and Bobby’s hands so that we wouldn’t have spent a year pondering and rethinking and deciding and undeciding. I was so sad last night… I just cried and cried. And Bobby said that seeing Jennifer and Tom find out – the total shock turning to excitement, despite the fact that their entire savings account consists of the Dave Ramsey $1000 emergency fund, made him realize that he’s really ready. That there’s no perfect time… you just let it happen, and figure it out from there. But I’ve heard that before.. I don’t know whether to believe him. I guess I’m just going to have to have faith that this time he really means it. And we’ll get pregnant when God wants us to… not a minute before.