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I’m feeling better. After hearing the verdict from Dr. O’Rourke, I started lurking on the breastcancer.org site… they have a discussion board for metastatic bc that’s really, really great. So I finally composed my first post in my head and sent it off into cyberspace… the response was amazing. And comforting and reassuring and exactly what I needed and wanted to hear. The stories of “stats are crap” came pouring in… so many women who have beat the stats and who were completely outraged that Dr. O’Rourke would tell us such a thing. I have mixed feelings because I believe – I need to believe – that Dr. O’Rourke is the best. But why would he give us statistics that were actually published before Avastin (which is one of the drugs that Mama’s taking) was even released? These numbers are dated, and they don’t apply to my mother, even if Mama had mets all over her body, which she DOESN’T. So I need to make my peace with this – I think that Mama and Daddy have gotten past the timeline thing… I do believe that I may be the only one still fixating on it.

But things are just feeling much better in general. She had her first treatment of Avastin and Taxol on Tuesday, and there was no nausea or that sort of nastiness that the Red Devil caused. I think that we were all preparing for the worst – but there was just extreme tiredness. I think that was also caused in part by the dose of benedryl that they pumped straight into her veins, topped off with a loritab every 4 hours. She was afraid that she would get addicted to loritab during the first round, but apparently that fear is no longer an issue – she’s popping those suckers like candy. I’m supposed to go over there this evening – hopefully she’s started cutting back her dosage that she can have a lucid conversation tonight.

Was thinking that I need to start a pregnancy journal… I really, really, really want to have a baby so badly. I need to analyze that further, to figure out where that’s coming from, but don’t have time right now. Will do later…

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