a separate identity

There are many stupid things that people have said (and continue to say) to me after Mama died… things like “everything happens for a reason,” “God never gives us more than we can handle” (for a full-fledged rant on this one, click here), and “Now your mama is your guardian angel.” There’s one in particular, [...]

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coping

Relieved to say I have the two-year anniversary behind me. The day itself was spent just being sad — looking through my Mama box, acknowledging the loss. I haven’t done that in a while… I’ve gotten really good at slamming the door on thoughts that are too painful. But Thursday, I let them in. Cried [...]

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September 17th

I sit here surrounded by the contents of my “Mama Box” — a beautiful box that I’ve stuffed anything death- or cancer-related. I’ve never gone through the box… today is the first time. I’ve only opened it just wide enough to slide a new memento in.
There are sympathy cards that I read for the first [...]

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i hate september

Does anyone else ever look around and think “Is this really my life? How did I get here?” I don’t really mean that in a negative way… just more of a pondering sort of way. I feel surprised sometimes — even though I know I’ve been here the whole time, it occasionally often feels like [...]

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grief trigger

This past Sunday, one of Susanna’s high school friends was killed in an accident. He was 21, the oldest of three boys, a student at Clemson. This week has been rough. Hello, understatement. She and I talked about the loss Sunday before going to bed, where the nightmares ensued. I dreamed that Mama was alive [...]

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one less suitcase in my father baggage

Thursday night, my dad randomly dropped by around dinnertime. I invited him to stay (whoa, *shocker*), and he did (whoa, even bigger *shocker*). Bobby was working late, so Daddy, Sue and I had dinner together. And honestly, it was the most pleasant time we’ve spent in the same space in a really long time. He [...]

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A lovely lady named Sue

Last week, I was completely distraught about packing up my mother’s clothing and personal belongings. Bree, who has lost a parent as well as her baby daughter Ella, left a very thoughtful comment about how she had a quilt made from her father’s shirts.  The idea immediately appealed to me — makes the task seem [...]

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Making my way thru a murky morning

I woke up this morning feeling the weight of sheer dread sitting on my chest. Headed out to the front porch with my (decaf, just in case I’m impregnated) coffee to think. By the time Bobby got home from his breakfast meeting, I had worked myself up into a mental hissy-fit. As soon as Bobby [...]

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I spoke too soon

Should have known that I was tempting fate by sounding all calm and zen in the previous post.
Some background: I have this habit of picturing things in my head, whether it’s the perfect gift or the perfect wedding or the perfect event. I map out “The Way It Should Be According To Sarah.” And I’ll [...]

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quiet thursday

It’s a quiet, gray & rainy day here at my little house. The dogs are napping, Bobby & Sue are at work, and I have laundry going. It’s make me happy to picture my garden soaking up the rain.
I’ve been taking pregnancy tests every morning for the past couple of days, although it’s too early [...]

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