still thinking… again.

Got up much earlier than usual this morning. Oscar had some sort of bug up his butt (not literally, hopefully) and started scratching at our bedroom door before 7am. He trots out into the kitchen, and then stares at me. Then goes out the doggy door for a few minutes, comes back in, and stares at me. I get back in bed, he stands next to the bed and stares at me. I walked to the front door – sometimes the stare means he wants to go into the front yard instead of the back yard. Yeah, still staring. Finally figured out he wanted fresh water in his bowl…. well, either that’s what he wanted or he just finally gave up because I was too dense to figure it out. Weird little buggy-eyed dog.

And another random happening here at 602 North Street. The other afternoon after a rain shower, I went outside and the driveway was a carpet of leaves… I mean, you seriously could not see the asphalt. So I took a picture, and added leaf-raking to my “to do” list. A couple of hours later, I head outside, and *poof.* No leaves. There were a few scattered in the shrubs, but the vast majority had simply vanished. I peered into the neighbor’s yard to see if maybe my leaves had gone to visit, but there didn’t appear to be more than usual. Weird crap, I tell you. Maybe this house comes equipped with a phantom leaf-blower?

I’m off to do errands in a little while. Oscar & Coby have a grooming appt which usually takes about 3 hrs, so I have a list of stores on that side of town. I fully intend to finish our Christmas shopping this week… I’ve been the Queen of Online Shopping this year. Bobby and I have a little nest-egg of AMEX points that we’ve accrued over the year… if things go according to plan, this Christmas will be fully funded by points. Thrifty Sarah, that’s me.

Sue and I are headed down to College of Charleston tomorrow. Have appts with housing, parking, registrar, counseling services… the full gamut. She’s fully enrolled and heading down there in less than a month, yet we’ve never actually been on campus. I think some people would call that stepping out on faith… or a limb, depending on how you look at it. We’re going to hopefully get her housing & parking assignment, and meet some nice person in Counseling Services who can talk her off the ledge next semester if/when necessary. She did learn that every one of her Clemson credits had transferred though, which is fabulous… yay for things working out for once.

Last night was an emotional night for her. She went out with friends in downtown Clemson, saw her former sorority sisters, saw the ex-person (not a boyfriend, but definitely an ex), and said goodbye to Tillman Hall. Came home crying… Change, even necessary change, is sad and scary. I think it’s starting to settle that she’s getting ready to move to a new city and new school where she knows no one and where her home is 4ish hrs away. I want her to believe in herself – go down there and focus on grades and getting back into a productive academic groove this first semester. I’m telling her not to put social pressure on herself – that the friends will come, but that a stable foundation is more important at first. I don’t know if she’s listening.

I think I’m getting a tiny taste of what Mama must have felt like when I went off to college. I remember her crying inconsolably – not in front of me, but I knew all the signs. I was more her companion than her daughter in a lot of ways, and she was horribly lonely during those first few months after I moved to Lander. Sue’s not my daughter (obviously – I would have had to pop her out at age 10), and I’m not as dependent on her as Mama was on me (my parents’ marriage was fractured, whereas mine isn’t). But it’s going to be hard to let go. I’ve gotten used to the sounds of the little hobo living in our back room. But more than that, I just want her to do well. To be happy. I want to pave the way for her, to make it easier, and I feel helpless. I wish that I could ensure that this is the right path, that her roommates will be patient with her neuroses, that she’ll find a sister-friend who she’ll still talk to in 10 years. Those are the things I want, but I know that this is her thing. Not mine. So I’m going to do what I can from a distance and keep my fingers and toes crossed for an entire semester. Which could become somewhat uncomfortable.

I think that she and I both will feel better after we spend some time on campus. Yeah, that’s it. Time on campus will solve everything.