Posts Tagged friendship
Birdie quilts, babies, & birthdays
UPDATE:
In this post a few days ago, I mentioned that Tiffiney had gone into preterm labor at almost 25 wks. Sadie Mae was born on Saturday, July 4th, at 1lb 8oz, and 12.25in long. I’ve been stalking facebook obsessively… based on status updates & comments, it appears that all is well with both mother and daughter, although obviously Sadie Mae will be spending a while in the NICU. The suddenness of change, of things going awry or “different than planned,” is just so… shocking. One day, everything’s fine. The next, everything’s upside down. I know I don’t have to explain that to ya’ll, of all people. I miss the days of childhood, when I planned to execute my life like a checklist… grow up, get married, have a baby, and live happily ever after. Was so simple without the worry of what-if.
THE WEEKEND:
So since Saturday morning, when I woke up mid-meltdown, I’ve just been staying out of my head. On Saturday, we cooked & cleaned & did yard work for Saturday night’s birthday cookout.
And Sunday, we skipped church* and had a quiet day. Bobby worked on a website redesign, and I worked on my birdie quilt. I don’t have complete confidence in how the fabrics compliment each other, but I just dove in and started cutting… figure that this is my first quilt, so I’m allowed to screw it up. My sewing skills are sub-par — couldn’t sew a straight line if my life depended on it, and sewing around curves? Um yeah, it’s laughable. But whatever. It’s addictive and rather therapeutic… nothing else matters except the repetition, and focusing on the grains of the fabrics, and measurements, and sewing straight-ish seams.
PROJECT BIRDIE QUILT:
Just a few notes about the process, what’s gone well & what hasn’t with Project Birdie Quilt:
- In my opinion: Making a chart is a good thing. I drew a grid (kinda like the one to the right), and made notes in each square. This helped keep my squares in order, plan the position of the birdies, etc.
- Cutting the squares: First, I cut 9 squares of fabric measuring 20″x20″. Learned the hard way that you have to measure from the selvage edge (the outside edge of the fabric), NOT from the cut edge. The little fabric-cutter ladies don’t always cut in straight lines, so using the crooked edge to measure is pretty much a bad idea.
- Added an extra row: Once I laid all 9 of my fabric squares on the floor, I decided to add another row of squares for a total of 12. This will make a full-size quilt, instead of a throw-size quilt.
- Fusible web novice: I’ve never used fusible web before, but it’s super-easy. Traced 12 circles using the template in the kit. Apparently the fusible web makes fabric stiff, which would make the quilt less snuggly, so I cut the middle of the circles out, leaving only ~.5in. of web *inside* the traced circle.
- The great stitching decision: Ah, sewing the circles on. Sewing and me don’t jive. I thought I should do a zigzag stitch, which I’ve never attempted before. Practiced and practiced to no avail. Googled and discovered I needed a little gem called an “applique foot” for my sewing machine — it’s clear so you can see what you’re stitching. So I sat and debated, and finally decided to just scratch the zigzag idea this time around, and go with the plain ole’ straight stitch. After much indecision, finally just sewed the circles on.
- & the birdies were born: Traced, cut, appliqued, and sewed birdies. I used a neutral khaki-colored thread throughout, but it looked horrible on the dark brown birds… highlighted how uneven and messy my sewing truly is. So I picked the stitching out of the brown birds and redid it with chocolate brown thread.
- Putting it all together: I’m now in the process of putting the quilt-top together. The recommended sewing order is horizontal, then vertical. Sew block #1 to block #2, then block #2 to block #3. This completes the first row. Repeat for rows 2, 3, and 4.Once all horizontal rows are sewn together, go vertical. Sew row 1 to row 2, row 2 to row 3, and so on until quilt-top is completed.
I’m heading back out to the fabric store tomorrow to buy batting (the fuzzy stuff that goes inside a quilt), and backing (the fabric for the reverse side).
birthday revelry
*Edit: Lady in pink shirt & khaki shorts is my MIL. Birthday guy is David, a long-time friend. Cute blonde next to him is his girlfriend, Marsha. Bobby’s talking & videotaping. Sue and I are heckling Dave and lighting the birthday candles.
worried
Logged into Facebook this morning and was met by these status updates. Tiffiney is the thoughtful, talented, compassionate photographer who photographed Mama’s funeral. She’s now pregnant with her first little one, a baby girl named Sadie Mae.
Last night, 8pm:
“preterm labor. All sessions, event postings, etc are on hold. Thanks for your prayers it means the wld!”
This morning, 6am:
“thanks for your prayers. We made it through the night baby still in the belly. Things are still very risky. Keep praying.”
This morning, 10:30am:
“pray that this baby turns, she’s breach. As it stands now I won’t be leaving here prego. I’m only about 25 wks. We need your prayers.”
Nonononono, Universe, please don’t take Tiffiney’s baby. If you’re the praying kind, please pray. If not, please take a sec to send positive thoughts to her and her baby girl.
Grrrrr
Was on Facebook this afternoon, and on the News Feed tab, noticed that one of my FB friends had posted an ultrasound pic (clarification – this guy and I were “friendly” in college, but I wouldn’t have considered us “friends”). So of course I click on it because it’s an ultrasound picture and I have a compulsion. And here’s the caption:
So my wife seems to have acquired this parasite. It will continue to bother her for another 7.5 months at which point in time it will be be expelled from her body. The parasite will become self sustaining but continue to suck the life out of us for the next 18-22 years. Many seem to find this parasite quite adorable and seem to think it will bring us great pride and joy.
Annnnnnd then I cried. Big, gushing, angry tears. And then I un-friended him, but not before sending him a private message:
Hi ****,
First I want to say a huge congratulations on your wife’s pregnancy. I saw from the ultrasound photo that she’s a patient of ***, and they’re WONDERFUL… I’ve heard nothing but great things about their obgyn practice.Now on to the second thought. I debated about even saying anything because I’m sure that my personal experiences have made me somewhat more sensitive than most. But I have to say it for myself and so many others out there. Your paragraph about your unborn child, although clearly meant to be humorous, is extremely insensitive. I have had two miscarriages in the last six months, and I’ve been overwhelmed with how many women have suffered similar devastating losses – it’s amazing (and horrible) how many of us are in “the club,” and you have no idea until you have the misfortune of becoming an unwilling member.
I hope that your wife has a textbook-pregnancy, uneventful and healthy. But please remember when publicly referring to your unborn child as a “parasite” and offering witty comments about how it will “suck the life” out of you, that others are praying and believing for that one day when maybe we’ll have such an opportunity.
I wish you, your wife, and your precious baby only the best.
Sarah
And then I felt better. The End.
Thanksgiving synopsis
Am freakin’ pooped, so I’m (cheating) summarizing with lots of pictures. Roll over the pics for captions…
Ok, let us begin:
Wednesday night, Sue and I started cooking massive amounts of food. The cooking continued on Thursday morning when Jennifer joined us at 9am, and we only missed our estimated completion time by one hour… ate by 4pm. It was freakin’ yummy, if I do say so myself. The logistics of our first Thanksgiving dinner attempt went surprisingly smoothly.
Friday morning, got up and headed to the Greenville Zoo. I confess, I was more than a little grumpy about going to the zoo in the AM, but I’m glad Jennifer made us. The animals were feeling very spunky, and we had a picnic & hung out a bit in the little park.
Then headed to Pelzer to purchase a Christmas tree. They had lovely and convenient pre-cut trees, but oh no… give us a saw and point us in the right direction, cuz we’re gonna cut our own, by golly. Walked and walked to the very back lot, where we found our tree. We’ve always had a Frasier Fir, and this one’s a pine. I confess that I still wanted to go with a pre-cut fir, not because they were pre-cut, but because they look like the classic Christmas tree to me. But Bobby looked so deflated at the prospect of not getting to use his saw that I couldn’t bring myself to deprive him. So a pine it is.
This morning, we rolled out of bed just in time to greet Brad & Rosemary, friends from Charleston. All five of us (Bobby, Brad, Rosemary, Sue, & me) piled into the Honda (in one accord… Accord. Get it? Ha.) and were firmly entrenched at Wild Wing by 11ish. Were pounding buckets-o-Bud by 12 noon kickoff, and loved watching those Tigers pound the Gamecocks. The early football/drinking kickoff resulted in all us old peeps crashing by 10ish. We’re a bunch of geriatrics… just can’t take it these days.
Will write more later. My beer & I must sleep now.
Back on the TTC wagon?
Today I had lunch with a few of my former S-D coworkers… I haven’t laughed like that in weeks. Actually, make that months. I miss them, I do. I didn’t remember how much until today… the last five months of solitude have dimmed the memory of just what a camaraderie we had. Sarah 1 & Drew weren’t able to come – they would have completed a reunion of the mighty “Wolfe Pack.” Yes, we’re geeky – we named our dept. But we liked each other mightily, in a way that you rarely have with coworkers… and when we disbanded, we did it up right. I “retired,” Tim headed back to Charleston, and then recruited Drew to move down to Charleston as well. If nothing else, we can’t be accused of doing anything halfway :)
Ok, prepare yourself for a concentrated dose of cheese… After today’s two-hour marathon lunch, I told Bobby on the way back to Anderson that I felt like a little wilted flower that had finally gotten some sunlight. Yes, I actually said that… I know, I know, could we be a bit more Hallmark-ish? But really – I felt so much more… awake? Bobby made the excellent point that spending time with non-family people, especially those who require no pretense or “social mask,” provides the opportunity to gain an objective perspective, to shake off the cobwebs. He’s right. It’s time for me to go back to work, not solely for financial purposes, but for the social interaction. No, my new workplace, wherever that is, probably won’t have a Julie or a Michele. But they will have people who are outside the core group, and who will give me something (and someone) else to focus on.
Also, I stopped by the drugstore on the way home and bought vitamins B6 and B12 to supplement a prenatal. A very smart bloggy friend shared some great info about MTHFR*, which has been linked to miscarriage. I haven’t had blood work determining whether or not I have the MTHFR mutation, but I have had two miscarriages, and there has to be a reason. So I’m going to start a vitamin regimen. If I DO have the mutation, the vitamins will help combat it. If I DON’T have the mutations, the extra B-vitamins won’t hurt. So it’s a plan… it’s something that I can do, an action that I can take to make me feel like I’m at least trying.
*Yes, I know, MTHFR looks like an abbr. for motherf**ker. That’s not what it stands for, although multiple miscarriages have a way of prompting this and other choice obscenities, thus making the coincidence rather fitting. MTHFR actually stands for methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase. You can see why they abbreviate it.
I’ve asked myself (and others) if it’s irresponsible to try a third time without making any changes… if, in effect, it’s just basically killing another tiny life. I know it’s thoroughly psychological, but the simple action of taking these vitamins makes me feel like it’s ok to give myself permission to try again. I figure it can go one of two ways: #1: I’ll get pregnant again and have a healthy baby. Gee, wouldn’t that be nice. Or #2: I’ll have a third miscarriage, at which point I’ll be officially defined by the medical community as having “recurrent miscarriages.” Two miscarriages don’t count as “recurrent,” apparently. And if this does happen, I’ll have (sorta) already ruled out one potential cause. Maybe. Maybe I’ll just have a healthy baby. Maybe. And there’s a #3 that I haven’t really considered… that I won’t be able to get pregnant again. I’m hoping, based on history, that this isn’t something I need to worry about. But I’ll probably go ahead and worry about it anyway, just in case.
Turkey Week Kickoff
A friend recently wrote “I so wish that I could just turn my brain off sometimes.” Can I get a big AMEN. Wouldn’t it be nice to just say “ok, I need a break… I think I’m just gonna park this thinkbus and go do something else.” And truthfully, at times I’ve been able to do that. I’ve been able to distract myself with projects or new hobbies or Maggie (always a great diversion). But it never lasts and then I end up right back in the Barrel-O-Thoughts.
Jennifer and I had a wonderful interaction today. You know when there’s been something lurking below the surface (or not below the surface, in our case) and it’s a nagging relational hangnail that just won’t go away? Jennifer and I have been there for a while now, and today, we faced it. We’re sisters – it’s so easy to just assume that it’ll all work out because, yep, it probably will. But it feels so much better to just have it all gutted and scrubbed clean… we talked (yelled), we cried, we hugged, we said loveyouloveyouloveyou at the end of the evening. And I do love her so. My sisters – both of them – are priceless.
Thanksgiving dinner is looming… I’ve heard other people talking about it, but haven’t realized just how close it is until this afternoon. Jennifer, Sue and I are doing dinner completely solo this year for the first time. The Great Family Invasion of 2008 has been diverted for another year, so our guest list is holding at about 10 people. Sue and I made a tentative menu this morning based mainly on the traditional “staple” dishes. We’re already starting to veer away from the tried-&-true though… Mama’s not here, we’re not Mama, and there’s no point in pretending. As I was clicking through recipes online this afternoon, the enormity of Mama’s leaving hit me yet again. This is it. This is all there is. This is our second Thanksgiving without her and the first we’ve actually celebrated (last year was a seafood dinner overlooking the Pacific Ocean). And this is what it’s going to be from now on. “Making the best of it” kind of takes on a whole new meaning when you’re facing the holidays sporting a gaping emotional hole placed neatly in the center of your familial unit.
But back to a less depressing matter… the Thanksgiving menu. See? This is me focusing elsewhere.
- Turkey, of course – to roast or to fry? I’ve heard great things about fried turkey… that it’s moister, juicier, just better. Bobby and I have a huge pot that we use for low-country boil that would work perfectly. And I found this recipe that looks tasty and not too difficult. So maybe we’ll try it?
- Dressing – traditional or something new? I found a recipe for Cornbread & Oyster Dressing, which sounds quite tasty to me. My dad had some long, long ago and has talked about it since… I’m pretty sure he would be in favor of throwing a few oysters in there.
- Cranberry Sauce
- Mashed Potatoes
- Gravy
- Sweet Potato Souffle
- Green Bean Casserole
- Roasted Asparagus or Spinach Greens
- Steamed Cabbage
- Pickled Corn – my grandmother is the only person in the world that makes it (I think) and we only have one jar. One tablespoon for each person.
- Rolls
- Pasta Salad
- Ambrosia
- Veggies & Dip
- Pumpkin Pie/Ice Cream
- Apple Strudel
I’ve always been very into fancy napkin-folding and such, but I haven’t quite decided on the centerpiece/napkin rings/etc for this year. I had all these lofty plans of making a beautiful holiday tablecloth and napkins – even bought the pattern on sale a few months ago. But my sewing flame burned out prematurely, so I’m working with what I already have. We shall see… Is anyone else out there into the whole formal china, crystal, fancy-schmancy napkin-folding thing for Thanksgiving dinner?
murkiness
Been a weird couple of days… I keep starting posts, and not finishing them. Looked in my queue, and I have 5 unfinished posts sitting there. Kind of indicative of my brain – keeps starting and stopping in spurts, intersected by reading a long-ass book (“Prince of Tides”) and puttering about this weekend.
Our meeting with Dr Jerry last Wednesday wiped me out. We talked about Bobby’s speech about our “disconnection” and why I feel a bit like a failure, and the things that I’m worried about (I took the list from the “Seasonal Depression” post to my session). And sometimes after mucking around in the murk and fog of my thoughts, I just feel tired and weighted down and done.
Friday morning, I met a friend to take her baby girl to have Christmas pics made. After the photo appt, we ended up having Mexican for lunch, and I snotted & dripped tears for probably two hours into my cheese dip. She just listened… said she felt at a loss about what to say, what the “right” responses are, and I told her that there are no right responses. Being listened to helps immensely. I’m just picking through the same thoughts over and over – analyze, ponder the pieces, regroup. Analyze, ponder the pieces, regroup. Agh. I exhaust myself, so I can imagine how those around me feel.
Now for some banal facts. Friday night, Jennifer, Tom, Maggie, Bobby & I went to Tigerama at Clemson… twas great fun. Maggie sat through 2 hours of skits, videos, performances without making a peep – couldn’t believe how easy she was. Then Sat morning, Bobby had to get some video of the Clemson homecoming festivities, so I dropped him off and headed to Starbucks to have coffee and read more of my really long-ass book. I really haven’t taken this long to read a book in forever – there’s no overt reason that I’m being so slow – it’s just lack of focus. I find my brain wandering… it’s annoying. The library’s sending me hate mail, though, so I’ve gotta get through it. After Bobby got everything he needed in Clemson, we headed to Wild Wings to watch the game and have lunch. Ended up staying for 4 or so hours… we talked incessantly during the entire game. About our session with Dr Jerry. About his company. About our worries and our finances and our plans. It was series of conversations that was long overdue.
Tomorrow, Bobby is scheduled to head to Beaufort, a little coastal town about 5 hrs from here, for work. And he invited me to go with him. And I said yes. I think it’ll be a good thing to get out of town, out of this house, just out. He has to work during the day, but I’m going to just read, take pictures, chill out for a while. We leave tomorrow morning, return Wednesday. I’m hoping that a change of scenery will help shake the funk…
Oh, here’s an exciting (and shocking) tidbit though… Bobby and I went back to WeightWatchers after skipping two weeks (didn’t really want to, but we’ve already paid for this month and it’s stupid to not take advantage of it), and we had both lost a bit more weight! He’s now down 12.5 lbs, and I’m down 11.2 lbs. So YAY! I did talk to the leader though, about how I want the focus to be on our HEALTH, not our WEIGHT. The concept of weight and clothing sizes is such an easy measure to fall back on, but when things get rough, those concepts fly out the window. Take these past two weeks for example: I feel crappy. Sad, stressed, worried, frustrated, unfocused, irritable, lethargic, completely out of sorts. And when I’m fighting the apathy, counting points seems… well, pointless. Like a little conversation in my head between Sarah The Rational and Sarah The Psycho.
Sarah The Rational: How many points is that ice cream worth?
Sarah The Psycho: Your mom’s dead, why does it matter?
Sarah The Rational: What about this gigantic glass of wine? Huh? Huh? That’s AT LEAST two servings.
Sarah The Psycho: Shut the hell up, bitch, and pour me another glass.
You see? You see what we’re dealing with here? Dr Jerry said my Zoloft may not be working… wonder why he thinks that?
Ok, both Sarah The Rational and Sarah The Psycho are going to watch “60 Minutes.” Yay Barack! I think he’s cute. Is it weird that I think he’s cute?
