I knew that Bobby would be a good daddy, the way I knew he would be a good partner before I married him… some things, you just know. I was looking forward to seeing it all play out though — how would he talk to her, look at her, what he would say when he met her, when she cries, when she smiles. And although I never had a doubt that he would be a great father, it’s wonderful (& sometimes hilarious) to watch…
Rose & Bobby having a chat
He talks to her in this super-high falsetto & calls her “Boogie.” I have no idea why, but it makes me laugh. She loves it… when he comes into the room, she starts flapping & kicking & looking for him. He can get a smile out of her before I can every time — I guess since I’m with her all the time, he’s kind of a big deal in Rosebud’s world :)
We’re gradually hammering out our individual roles. During the first few weeks, I was convinced that Rose was completely my job. I think I still feel some guilt about staying home & not contributing financially to our family income… I felt very responsible for Rose because in my mind, it wasn’t fair for Bobby to have to work AND do baby stuff. He never said anything to imply that… I just decided it on my own. He kept saying that he wanted to help & I kept insisting that he didn’t have to. And then — *lightbulb* — I realized that he actually WANTED to help. That I was taking something away from him by being a control-freak gatekeeper. That I was doing both he & Rose a disservice by swooping in & taking her every time she cried or needed something. Being a gatekeeper is something that comes really (too) easily to me, & I think that spending every day with her is making it even more prominent. During the day, I’m figuring things out — so when the evening comes & Bobby gets home, I find it difficult to balance between sharing my knowledge & being a pain-in-the-ass know-it-all. I catch myself swooping verbally & nonverbally… & I need to stop because the more I swoop, the less confident he is in his ability to take care of her. & that sucks for everyone — Bobby, me, & Rose.
So we’ve begun taking turns on the mornings. We do bath time together. Whoever’s not doing the next morning does the last bottle the night before. We’re figuring our roles out. If I hear her crying with him, I try to minimize my “swoopiness.” I’m trying to control my tendency to be controlling… does that still make me a control freak? Probably.
Whitney said:
I think it’s great that y’all are figuring out your roles. The mama does have more insight, and it is hard to share without being a know-it-all.
I’m glad Rose is letting you share responsibilities. By 6 weeks, Rachel SCREAMED when anyone but me touched her. Poor Matty, he felt a bit like a failure there for a few weeks, and it was nothing he could do! His whole family called her the “screaming baby”. Yep.
So, be thankful that Bobby WANTS to help, and that he CAN. :) Love hearing about your little family! :)
jamie said:
You’re right….. it is so very easy to want to step in and take over. My boys are 4 and 18 months, and I still find myself wanting to do it. I’m with the boys more bc of my husband’s work hours but he is more than able of handling most all situations. I’m not sure if the learning ever stops once you become a parent. I think as moms we are wired to think it’s our job to do it all….. if we stay or home or work outside the home.
Mina said:
Are all new mothers control freaks? I think so, at least statistically it is so.
It is in our nature, so we can try that much to fight it. But I also think that we can learn how to trust our partners with the parenting thing as well. It is easier than one might think. I am happy for you that you are figuring things out sooner rather than later.
It melts your heart when you see your husband with your child, doesn’t it? :-))
Cath said:
Seeing a man tenderly take care of a little baby is so sweet. :)