We’re several days into the November cycle, and I’m wondering why we decided to try again without some sort of aggressive plan in place. I’m sure I had a reason… now what was it? I’m taking my prenatal/folic acid/low-dose aspirin combo religiously, but it doesn’t seem like enough. I’m not being proactive. Why am I not being proactive? I whine about wanting a baby, and yet I’m not moving toward the goal in any definable way.
And I’m sick of being overweight. Yet I continue to eat ridiculous amounts of food with zero exercise. I want someone to make a plan for me, and then make me stick to it… is that too much to ask? I whine about being fat, and yet even as I type, I’m thinking about going through the Wendy’s drive-through on the way to work.
Have a nagging headache that’s been hanging out with me for going on two weeks. Feeling generally out of sorts & just plain grumpy. Bobby and I skipped church yesterday, and I know that is contributing to my dishevelment. I’ve come to reply on the Sunday morning service as a method of pushing the “reset” button… I feel guilty and aggravated at myself for not going.
It’s just like eating crappy food… I know that skipping Sunday morning or stuffing my face with french fries & chocolate makes me feel bad, but I do it anyway. Gotta love intentional self-sabotage.
Lately, I’ve been that sketchy girl… you know, that one who tells you she’s coming & then may or may not show up. I ask Bobby if he wants to see a movie — when he says yes, I change my mind. I’m avoiding people in real life and in the blogosphere. Why, you ask? Well, I couldn’t exactly say.
I annoy myself. Bleh.
the misfit said
I know just what you mean! I never want to take the time to put together a real meal (because I’ll have eaten lots that day and don’t want all that food), and then I’ll polish off 2000 calories’ worth of junk food because I WANT to, and then I’ll spend the rest of the night really upset with myself. And I’m capricious about my activities (have been refusing to watch things with my DH for no good reason) and don’t want to commit to social activities more than a day or two ahead of time (fortunately there are things that still sound like fun, so that I look forward to them and actually show up). You know what I think…it’s anxiety and depression. For me, at least, I don’t know about for you. On the rare occasions when I do eat protein and forego the junk food, or get lots of exercise, or do all the chores and stop watching nonsense on hulu, I really do feel better. But it’s so, so hard to get myself to do those things! Listening to Beyonce’s Single Ladies and Hanson’s Mm-Bop (sp?) does seem to help a bit, though.
Melba said
intentional self-sabotage really sucks, but I think we all do it to an extent, at least from time-to-time.
BUT…give yourself a break! You’re allowed to be grumpy, pig out, and be sketchy once in a while. I think the key is to not let those things become habitual ways of life, but I can’t imagine you doing that!
As for your questions, “Why am I not being proactive?” I think the answer is probably because it is O.V.E.R.W.H.W.L.M.I.N.G!!!
Just breathe for now, and worry about the rest tomorrow!
Hugs,
Melba
HeatherW said
I’m going to agree – depression/anxiety. I’ve had 10 lbs I’ve been dragging around for a year and a half. That’s 18 months! I go to the gym quasi-regularly (if you call one time one week, two times another week, then not again for 2 weeks, rinse, repeat “quasi-regularly”). I want to stay at home & do…..nothing really. BUT, I force myself to get up & do SOMETHING productive. Laundry might be productive. Taking old clothes to the Goodwill might be productive. Getting rid of week old leftovers in the fridge might be productive. Right now, I’m forcing myself to look at & not eat the Hershey’s bar in my desk drawer, while I nosh on my apples & low fat peanut butter. And …..nothing changes. So, it’s either going to take meds or sheer force of will to make lasting changes. Although, adding a bit more church/God/fellowship to the mix does tend to help me, if nothing other than knowing others are in my corner, praying for me, honestly caring about me, and wishing to see me. That makes a difference.
Sarah said
I do the same thing sometimes. Not as much with food since I’ve been on this diet for 3 months now and I feel HORRIBLE any time I eat anything glutenous or sugary, but with skipping yoga and just retreating from the world – real or internet. I don’t know what it is about some weeks…I just avoid all human contact (besides DH) and then one day I snap out of it. Some months it takes longer to snap out of…
Sometimes making a plan is the hardest part!
Kim said
We’re all allowed to be in a funk from time to time. Don’t be down on yourself; you’ll get through it.