Topic of the day? Eggs. Ya’ll, can I just say that getting knocked up is no easy feat. I know that comes as a huge surprise to everyone reading [insert sarcastic snort here].
I’ve been using the CBE fertility monitor this month for the first time. It is now Day 20, and I STILL haven’t ovulated. What the hell. All I want is a happy little cartoon egg, monitor, work with me here. My (theoretical) egg, on the other hand, looks more like this:
I’ve read the monitor instruction manual from cover to cover, and the lack of cartoon egg could mean two things:
- User Error… I screwed up one or more pee sticks, or
- I didn’t ovulate this month. Damn it.
I find myself thinking that it’s #1… what if I peed on the stick for more than 3 seconds? Or less than 3 seconds? Or what if I didn’t hold the stick in the downward position? Argh. Maybe the magical monitor is just collecting my data, and next month will be dead-on accurate. Or maybe it’s accurate this month, and I didn’t screw any tests up, and I just didn’t ovulate.
Bobby and I had decided a while back that if he hadn’t managed to impregnate me by August, we would to back to the RE. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t much care for the RE that we saw last year. He was very clinical and impersonal, a fact that I’ve tried to get over. But should I have to get over it? Shouldn’t I LIKE my RE, especially since we’re going to be paying for every minute out-of-pocket? I know this is nit-picky, but during our initial appt, I had brought a chart of cycle data that I’ve been collecting over the last year. I handed it to him as a visual aid as I was talking, and he gave it the barest glance, and handed it back to me. Dude, it would take like 2.5 seconds for you to humor me and at least ACT like you give a damn about what I’m saying during the 40 minutes you’re bestowing upon me for the bargain price of $250.
Yesterday, I got online, and found that someone else had rated him a 2 out of 5 for bedside manner. So it’s not just me — there are at least two of us out there who aren’t fans. So I looked up another guy… same practice, different doc. He had a couple of high reviews, with a comment stating that he was willing to answer questions & wasn’t condescending. I called to make an appt, and asked that we be put on Dr OtherRE’s calendar. The little appt-maker girl asked me why, and I didn’t know what to say…. just mumbled something about online reviews.
Our appt is Mon, Aug 30th, which seems like a really long time from now. Maybe I should call back and push for an earlier time. Or maybe I should just chill out and continue bonding with my (Marlena’s) fertility monitor until Aug 30th. I think that’s one of the most aggravating things about this whole infertility thing… you have to wait for everything. Wait to ovulate. Wait to test. Wait to start another cycle. Wait for dr appts. Wait for a heartbeat. Wait for the end of the first trimester. Blahblahblahblah. And meanwhile, the calendar’s slipping away, and the biological clock is pounding in my ears.
*Image from Souvenirs & Scars
Ah, I’m sorry. I know it’s frustrating. Fwiw, I’ve never, ever in my whole life gotten a positive OPK (CBE fertility monitor or OPKs). My dr.’s, however, swear that I O based on my blood tests. . . just trying to be difficulr, I suppose :)
Hang in there, girl. And yes, definitely find a dr. you’re comfortable with. I really don’t think that they care about charts and temping and CM and whatever else we try before we see them :) – but you should still get a good vibe from your dr.
That would drive me nuts, not knowing if it was user error or just not ovulating. I think that’s why I hang on to temping – you know exactly what’s happening in your cycle.
I keep thinking about the same things – timeline for getting pregnant, whether to go back to the same RE (he was also cold, impersonal, and flat-out told me IVF was it for us). I think I would choose someone else, but I don’t know how to find anyone else.
And I am the least patient person in the world, so I HATE WAITING. If I could ask for one thing (you know, besides a pregnancy and healthy baby), I would ask for the grace to be patient. Or maybe to sell our house. Or to be able to quit my job. Okay, patience would be on the list pretty high up anyway…
I know, I need to temp. I did it for a while, and I’m just so bad at it… but at least then I would KNOW.
And seriously, what would be so wrong with a course on bedside manner as a part of the medical curriculum?!?
Yuck!! NO fun! Isn’t it funny (not really) how the technology doesn’t make it easier? We still question it!
I think you are right in going with a different RE, especially at this stage. If you are already dissatisfied, it will only get worse. For me, even though we never got preggo, I have very positive feelings about my RE (and even miss him a little) and the whole office. With how horrible that whole experience was, I would say it is important to have someone you feel is on your side and cares.
It’s interesting that you didn’t get the high or peak fertlity sign. Maybe you haven’t been ovulating? I’m sorry. It would have been so nice to have seen a big fat egg the first time you used the freakin thing. But, it could also be good because maybe it’s telling you that you’re not ovulating. When do you usually think you ovulate?
Just a suggestion… I use the dip method with mine because I’m always I afraid I will pee too little or too much on the darn stick.
Something weird happened with mine last month. It said it gave me the big fat egg symbol, but when I went in for a blood test, the results determined that I didn’t ovulate.
Infertlity sucks! Loss sucks! It sucks even more when you’ve experienced both. I just don’t get why the universe isn’t taking it easy on us.
If you’re paying out of pocket, I say find an RE you like! It’s so important for you to like and trust your doctor.
Ahhh waiting, yes…definitely the worst part of all of this crap!! I totally understand where you are coming from with this post.
I do think it’s imperative that you like your RE…I know it’s a major pain, but I would consider looking for someone else. If you do end up having to work with this guy for any length of time, dealing with some of the most delicate issues you ever will, having someone you can barely tolerate is not a good option. I don’t mean to freak you out, but things very well may get ugly…and that with an ugly (attitude-wise) RE could be more than you want to deal with. Just my opinion!
Best of luck with whatever you decide, there isn’t much pretty about these decisions…you just have to put one foot in front of the other for a while until you start to figure it out. I hope you will come to a day (soon) much like I have, where you are able to look your sweet child in the face and know instantaneously why you had to struggle, and why you had to wait.
Big Hugs,
Melba
What’s up with that crazy thing? I felt so sure that you would have fabuolous luck with the monitor this month. It IS so frustrating having to wait! It’s what you do most when TTC. And with the delicate time frames, it doesn’t take much to chalk another month up to a loss. Loss of time, loss of pregnancy, loss of a cycle. Frustrating to say the least!
And, like Bree, I also switched to the dip method after a while. I forgot about that until she mentioned it. Big worrier that I am, I also worried if I held it too long, not enough, whatever…and that eliminated some of that question.
And I also agree wholeheartedly with Melba…there will be a day when every question about why you had to wait will be answered…when you are holding your baby. Emma was my answer and I know your time is coming.
Love ya,
Marlena
Oh yeah…after reading these other comments, I wanted to tell you that I too used the dip method with that monitor thingie. It was a little gross, but less of a hassle in the end because I knew for sure I was getting the right amount of urine on the stick.
GOOD LUCK!!!!
Melba
So after reading Bree, Melba, and Marlena’s input, I’ve switched to the dip method starting this morning. Makes much more sense actually…. don’t know why I always seem to do things the hard way!
Thanks for the help, girls!
Wish I had told you that to begin with…I am finding I am starting to forget some of those details. But I am glad that is working better!
i know a certain insider who could give you a few tips before your appointment… ;)
DEFINITELY find a new doctor. Bedside manner is so very important for all doctors to have… that’s the advantage of living in a country where we can choose our doctors… you have the freedom to leave and pick another! :)
And, yuck to the day-20-no-egg-picture. Bleh. I am wishing upon you right now my ovulation joys… extreme pain that makes me curl up in a ball and take my prescription strength 800mg Ibuprofen. At least you’d know when it’s happening! :)
You know, right now excruciating ovulation pain sounds perfect :) Wow, seriously though, I didn’t know that ovulating could be that painful?!?
I’m sure you’ve had it looked at before, but if you haven’t, it would be well worth your time having your thyroid checked, specifically your TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone, released by the pituitary glad). It’s amazing what that tiny little gland is responsible for: metabolism, the proper functioning of many other body systems including menstrual cycles & reproduction – even the speed at which many cells “work”. The thyroid releases hormones that affect almost all the tissues in the body at any given moment. My thyroid was low (hypothyroidism) for over a year before I found out about it, even though I knew something was wrong. I had gained 10+ pounds, my skin was getting dry, and I was bone tired all the time, not to mention irritable, and cold intolerant. It even increased my already high cholesterol. If left untreated during pregnancy, the risk of preeclampsia goes up. So, needless to say, it’s a pretty important little gland. I only bring it up because it’s one of those things that sometimes gets overlooked; a low testing count might be on the high end of “low” and not so much of a concern. I’ve been on medication for over a year now, and I have much more energy. My skin is still dry, I’m really adept at cat naps, and my digestion is still in this “fast-slow-fast” operating speed. But I haven’t gained any weight and I don’t have a constant hunger. Again, if you haven’t had it checked, it’s well worth your time. :-)
That’s so annoying. What if you’re having a long cycle this month – delayed ovulation? If you have TCOYF, you might look at her explanation of what things can screw up the monitors…if your particular, er, reproductive individuality involves low LH, or something else, it might not work for you as well as it should. (Are you still charting temps and/or CM?)
I’m charting CM, but not temps… probably need to do temps too. CM was basically nonexistent this month, which is unusual for me. I don’t have a flippin’ clue what’s going on — that’s the bottom line. Argh.